The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Blessed (10/11/12)
Pastor Dave waved his hands and whistled. He tapped his foot as he waited for the crowd to quiet. “Welcome to Genesis Retreat. The next few days will focus on helping each of you develop an intimate relationship . . . “

The boys in the front row snickered. Pastor Dave put his hands on his hips and cleared his throat. The boys blushed and wiggled in their chairs.

After pausing briefly, Pastor Dave plastered a smile on his face and continued his monologue. “As I was saying, our focus is to help you develop a relationship with our Lord by writing your thoughts in prayer journals.” The chaperons passed passed out notebooks. “For your first entry, write a letter to Jesus and tell him why you are here. This is just between you and God, so don’t worry about anyone else. We’ll meet in the dining hall at noon.”

He dismissed the crowd with a nod of his head and the kids scurried to a private spot. A girl in outdated clothes plopped into a beanbag. Her hands trembled as she began to write.

Deer God, I’m Shay and I’m 14 years old. I came here cuz my school told me to. I didn’t wanna come at first. There are some Jesus freeks in school and they scare me alot. But I came cuz they said food was included. I don’t get to eat every day and as long as the freeks are given out free food I thot I should come so I did. I don’t know what else to say except I’m really hungray.

In the opposite corner, Tiffany nibbled on the end of her pen before writing in big loopy letters.

Dear Jesus, I came here because I can’t get confirmed unless I attend one of these retreats. Plus I needed a break, so when this opportunity came up I jumped at it. It’s hard to be the prettiest and smartest girl in school. I have to get up early to make sure my outfit, hair, and make-up is perfect. Plus I am so tired from cheerleading practice. Being the captain is hard work. I have a high standard to maintain. I also have to keep up on the latest fashions and make sure I don’t wear the same outfit twice in one month. It’s time for lunch. Amen.

The next few days zoomed past. When they weren't writing in their journals, the kids had small group meetings. Pastor Dave led Shay and Tiffany’s cluster. Shay hardly ever lifted her head or shared, while Tiffany monopolized each conversation.

As the retreat came to an end, Pastor Dave gathered everyone together. He looked at the kids and smiled from ear to ear. “For our last journal entry, I’d like you to write about what you have learned this week and your plans once you return home."

Tiffany skipped over to her corner. She whipped out her purple pen and began scribbling in her notebook.

Dear Jesus, Thank you for showing me how lucky I am to be me. I’d just die if I looked like Shay. I mean really, did she think no one would notice that she wore the same jeans every day? Also thank you for my many talents. When I get home, I’m going to hang out with my friends and have a huge party.

Shay shuffled over to her corner. The tears began to fill her eyes as she flipped open her journal.

Dear God, This week has been good. Not only did I get food but I also learned about you and your love. I didn’t think anyone could ever love me. I’ve always had an empty spot in my gut and I thought it was cuz I was hungary, but this week I stuffed myself and that feeling was still there. It wasn't til I got to know you that it went away. Jesus I’m scared to go home. What if I can’t find you to fill that hole?

Shay brushed away a tear and glanced around the room. Pastor Dave was watching her. He crossed the room and stood next to her. “It’s been an honor to get to know you, Shay. I’d be delighted if you came to Sunday School. Keep your chin up and your eyes on the Lord.”

Nodding, Shay held her head high as a glimmer of hope crept across her face.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1304 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Amy Michelle Wiley 
10/18/12
I loved the inside look into the girls' hearts and the change that came into Shay's. There were several spots with telling instead of showing, but I know you have a word constraint. Good job.
Genia Gilbert
10/21/12
You have captured a great picture of responses to Jesus, and shown that it is the attitude of the heart that matters. We recognize our true blessedness when we are open to Him. Good job.
Dannie Hawley 
10/22/12
This is a terrific example of the modern-day Pharisee and sinner story in the Bible. I loved it.
Lynn Smith
10/22/12
Very good story. I enjoyed it a lot. I liked how you showed what each girl was thinking and how Shay was blessed in the end.

God Bless,
Marie
Colin Swann
10/22/12
What a lovely sweet, cute story--I loved it! Thank you!

Colin (Gold Member)
Noel Mitaxa 
10/23/12
Very well-drawn characters in this piece, which comes across with warmth and credibility.
lynn gipson 
10/23/12
What a heart tugging, beautiful story. I can identify on some levels with Shay in my grade school years. I was never hungry but I did feel scared and alone. Bless you for writing this stirring piece. There are so many girls and boys out there right now like Shay, and this morning I pray for them.

God Bless ,lynn
Verna Cole Mitchell 
10/23/12
This beautiful story is a wonderful modernization of the Pharisee's prayer.
Loren T. Lowery
10/23/12
A well written story of transformation through revelation. I liked the honesty of the letters - especially the first ones. How else can God know where we are until we admit it ourselves and let the Genesis begin. Great job!
Allison Egley 
10/24/12
This is good. I like the contrast you painted between the two girls. I just wish they had BOTH learned the lessons.
Bea Edwards 
10/24/12
Clever and creative take on the "Thank God I am not like that man" Pharisee story. Well crafted but you repeated the word passed in the second paragraph (I think). Phooey :-(
Willena Flewelling
10/25/12
Great treatment of an old truth. I can really identify with Shay... My stepfather was a kind and generous man, and a hard worker, but in the eyes of the middle class children in my school, he was "the town garbageman and a drunk". I love reading stories like this!