Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Grrr! (01/28/10)

TITLE: The Bear and the Three Goldilocks
By Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom
02/03/10


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Once upon a time, there was a little bear without a name. The other bears teased the little bear. Brownie yelled, “You are the stupidest bear ever. Whoever heard of not having a name?” The other bears laughed and pointed at the little bear.

“You’re so ugly, when your momma woke up from hibernating and saw you in the cave, she ran out screaming,” taunted Bumble.

Teddy said, “Maybe we should just call you no one. Everyone has a name, even the nutty squirrels.”
The little bear’s eyes welled up with tears. He didn’t see the wisest bear, Sol, shake his head when the others teased him.

Finally, one day, the little bear couldn’t stand the name-calling anymore. His furry face was matted with tears. When Bumble shouted, “Get out of here you stupid no one,” the little bear turned and ran as fast as his legs would carry him.

When he finally slowed down, he saw a little pink cottage. He was in the part of the woods where the humans lived. He felt even more alone and scared than he ever had before. He put his snout in the air and sniffed. He was sure there weren’t humans in the house right now. The cozy, little place looked like the perfect spot for a scared, little bear to rest. He went to the door and pushed it open with his head. Sniff, sniff, there was a delicious smell coming from the table. He reared back on his hind legs and put his paws down next to a pot of honey. He stuck his tongue in and licked every drop of the best honey he had ever tasted.

Suddenly the table gave way under his heavy paws; the pot and the table went crashing down. Splinters of wood and pieces of crock went flying everywhere.

The poor little bear ran into the next room. He saw a big mound of white fluff. It looked like a very comfortable place for a tired bear to rest. He jumped up on top and turned around three times. Just when he got comfortable, he heard a large crack. The white fluff and the bear went crashing to the floor. He looked at what once was a chair. Now it was covered with dirty, sticky paw prints and was in a heap on the floor.

He backed up; his rear foot stepped on a black rectangle with a big red button at the top. Suddenly, the box on the wall started flashing pictures; loud, horrible noises screamed at him from every inch of the room. He was so scared he jumped right through the window. Crash! Shards of glass flew all over the house. The bear curled up under the window, too afraid to move another inch.

Soon he heard human voices. Three girls with beautiful colored hair entered the cottage. The biggest girl, with long golden hair screamed, “GRRR! Who left the door open?”

The middle girl with strawberry-blonde hair, shrugged her shoulders and said, “Not I. Grrr, who broke the table and ate all of the honey?” She glared at the littlest girl with auburn hair.

The littlest girl shrugged her shoulders and said, “Not I.” They all went into the living room; she looked at her biggest sister and said,”Grrr! Who got honey and dirt all over the white chair?”

Both sisters shrugged their shoulders and said, “Not I.”

The biggest one looked at her two sisters and shouted, “Grrr! Who left the TV on?”

Both girls said, “Not I.”

Then they all yelled, “Grrr! Who broke the window?” They answered in unison with a shrug and a loud “Not I.”

The little bear had heard enough. He ran all the way home. When he got to his clearing, he panted,”Guess what! I went on a quest and I found out I do have a name. It’s Noti.”

The other bears were happy to see Noti return home. Sol, the wise bear said, “God always knew you had a name. It says in Isaiah 49:1, Before I was born the Lord called me; from birth he has made mention of my name. (NIV) God has always known your name; He knows and loves all of his creatures. He has known you forever, Noti, and He has always loved you."
The rest of the bears joyfully welcomed Noti home. Noti forgave the bears and they lived happily ever-after.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 819 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Renee Polson02/05/10
I love this... I collect versions of Goldilocks stories. I loved Noti as a name... cute
Joanne Sher 02/07/10
Cute little story. This must have been fun to write - I love the lesson at the end.
c clemons02/07/10
Needs some work to make this fairytale, a fairytale. The scripture was well placed though.
Ruth Brown 02/07/10
Cute little retake, It needs to flow just a bit better,but definitely easily done. Loved the scripture.
Joan Campbell02/08/10
I so enjoyed this sweet take on the Goldilocks story. The "Noti" twist was clever and funny.

My youngest daughter is often called names and I can't wait to read it to her, with the beautiful message that God has given her a special name! Thank you.
Lyn Churchyard02/09/10
Poor little bear! I wanted to give him a hug. You found a very creative way for little bear to find out his name. I wasn't expecting that.

LOL growling goldilocks, who would have thunk it :-)
Mona Purvis02/09/10
Fresh, fun and on topic. it is easy to see you're creative. Not many entries would delight a child as this one will.
Mona
Chely Roach02/09/10
I love fresh looks at stories that are ingrained in us. Very cute and playful, with a sweet message. Nicely done.

Loren T. Lowery02/09/10
Very clever, indeed. And all done within the 750 word limit. It reminds me of the Greek fable where Cyclops asks the name of the one who blinded him, he was told that no one did it to him. Consequently when Cyclops was asked who blinded him, he answered, "No One did this to me.
Carol Slider 02/09/10
I felt so sorry for the little bear, and I was very glad he had a happy ending! Very clever take on a familiar tale!
Edmond Ng 02/10/10
A very interesting and lighthearted read. Enjoyed it thoroughly!
Barbara Lynn Culler02/10/10
So cute! I could see this as an illustrated child's story!
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/10/10
I love this--could just see myself holding a child in my lap to read it to. A whole series like this would be great.
Sarah Elisabeth 02/10/10
This was super cute and creative! I loved little Noti!
Amanda Brogan02/10/10
An adorable twist on an age-old fairytale! :) Very creative how the bear found his name. That made me giggle. :D I like how you weaved the Isaiah verse in there. I agree with some of the others, this would be perfect for an illistrated Christian storybook.
Gregory Kane02/11/10
There you go, the judges liked it after all! Well done.
Nicole Campbell02/11/10
Wow, this is such a cute story. Very well written:)
This is a very creative and I love the way you called the little bear Noti. Lol!
Sarah Elisabeth 02/11/10
Congrats Shann, I thought this would do well!
Celeste Ammirata02/12/10
I agree, a series of children's stories, with biblical references is a great idea. This one is a great start. Congratulations of being highly commended!
Karen Macor03/29/10
A great children's story. I'm going to share it with my grandchildren. You did a fantastic job of creating empathy for Noti and then showing how God cares. I'm sure any child reading this would feel God's special love for them.
Edy T Johnson 06/25/10
When you have this as an illustrated children's book, I definitely want an autographed copy. This is so delightfully clever!