The Official Writing Challenge
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01/24/13
Suspenseful from beginning to end. It needs a little polishing, but that's hard to do in a week's time.
01/25/13
This is a good story. Some punctuation was missing in the conversations part, but I was on the edge of my seat all the way.

The faith of the MC was evident throughout and I loved the way she rested in the arms of the Lord at the end. Good job and keep writing. God Bless
Wow -- at times (especially at the beginning of your story as you were painting the picture) I felt as if I were reading a "Guide Post's" story. In the "Naomi Fetter's" section I stumbled a bit. But all and all a great and suspenseful read. Makes one really think about how much we actually trust God. Loved the ending. Blessings, Alicia
You have a lot going on in this story and you've managed to tell it with fast-paced action the use of dialogue was especially good. The ending seemed a bit rushed, but it was a lot to tell in 750 words but you did it none-the-less.
The title hooked me and the suspense kept me reading. Two words slowed my reading down: I think you meant balk, instead of bulk; and burst instead of busted. Otherwise, you have a great story going here.
01/25/13
Oh, this is good.

There are a few places that could use a couple of "tweaks." For example, he "placed the wood by the fireplace" uses "place" or a form of it twice in quick succession. He probably should have "put" the wood by the fireplace. It may seem a bit boring, but it fits better in this instance.

Great job with this. You had me wondering what was going to happen next the whole time. Nice job.
01/26/13
I was petrified all the way through. You certainly put me in the MC's shoes which is the making of a good story. Well done.
01/26/13
Very good story! It made me want to keep on reading...I needed to know how it was going to end.

Great imagination, wonderful job. God bless~
01/26/13
Your story shows a lot of potential for a book-length tale. Lots of suspense and good dialogue, believable and fast-paced. You might want to join a challenge buddy group to help you fine tune the piece a bit, as indicated by the other comments, but your talent for telling a story is obvious here. Nice work!
01/26/13
As everyone else has commented, you have a good story here, and your instincts are good in the writing. The pace is excellent as well as the plot. About the only thing wrong with it is the stuff that you can learn (grammar, punctuation, use of quotes, etc.). As someone else mentioned, get a challenge buddy who will help you learn those things and I have a feeling we'll be seeing you move up quickly thru the levels. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
01/26/13
You told a lot of story in a little time. I was right there with your MC wondering what was going to happen, praying that God would help her through. You've done a great job at this level. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories in the future and watching as the challenge helps you grow in your writing skills.
This is a great story. You did a marvelous job of laying out the conflict immediately, making me lean in and hold my breath as I read.

There were some tiny errors like missing or additional quotations marks. I also saw you started telling this in first person (I) then switched to third person (him)

The fast pace of this story matched the intensity of the story. I think you have a knack for story telling. This was a fantastic read.
01/27/13
Great work in your structure and the flow of energy throughout. You've painted your characters clearly and maintained credibility for your readers. Others have already noted the few minor glitches, but I agree with Joe that you will quickly move up through the levels.
01/29/13
What a great suspense
filled tale. I noticed just a couple spelling errors. And the "Can food" I thought would sound better as "canned" food. It displayed the strength we gain through faith, even in the presence of fear. And you make your readers fear for your MC, Drawing us in. Good job.
01/30/13
Excellent story telling here! Your dialogue was believable, the suspense was riveting, and it had a good ending. I think, along with the others, that you will move up to the next level fairly quickly! Nice job! :)