BLESS ME PLEASE, FOR I HAVE SNEEZED | Previous Challenge Entry | FaithWriters

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TITLE: BLESS ME PLEASE, FOR I HAVE SNEEZED | Previous Challenge Entry
By Catrina Bradley
01/21/10
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The sneeze came on too fast.

My left hand clutched the resume I was about to hand to Mr. Bernard S. Burkholter, Esquire, president of the most prestigious law firm in Lansing, and my right hand was outstretched to snatch a tissue out of the box on his desk, when the powerful ACHOOO was loosed prematurely. My eyes snapped open post-sneeze, and immediately I squinched them shut again.

I hoped the groaning sob I choked off sounded enough like a cough to cover for my emotional breakdown. My unprotected sneeze had caused me to hawk a loogie clear across Mr. Burkholter's desk to land... splat ...on the right lens of his eyeglasses.

"Oh...please...excuse me...let me...I'm so sorry...here..." I fumbled for the elusive white tissue bursting from the slit in the box top, but my hands were shaking so badly I bumped Mr. Burkholter's tumbler of Diet Coke and sent a river of soda surging straight toward his lap.

He was otherwise occupied with getting his muck-spattered glasses off of his face and didn't see the onslaught coming. When the icy river waterfalled over the desk and into his crotch, he leapt from his chair so abruptly he banged his thighs against the desk, drawer causing the entire desk to jolt.

Evidently that jolt set off a silent alarm that signaled the security guards, because they entered post haste with guns drawn. My hands flew in the air and my pristine resume flew into the lake of soda on Mr. Burkholter's desk.

I looked at Mr. Burkholter, and he looked at the men in blue. I looked at the men in blue, and they kindly escorted me out of Mr. Burkholter's office and out off the building without even offering me a "God bless you" or "gesundheit".

Needless to say, I wasn't offered the job, either.

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Member Comments

Member

Date

Lisha Hunnicutt

01/22/10

LOL!!! I'm still clutching my sides on this one. And, your piece definitely put my entry to shame, but oh well. The laugh was worth it!

01/22/10

Very funny entry. That's one huge "oops", with a bit of gross-out, too.

01/23/10

Sad!!! Oh, man, I don't think I would ever recover!

01/23/10

That was a sneeze to remember:) I've been sneezing lots and they do come so fast they can't be squelched. Usually splats all over my laptop. ewww. Funny story:)

Sharlyn Guthrie

01/24/10

Now that's an "oops!" I'm guessing the MC didn't get the job.

01/26/10

Perfect OOPS! Love it.

Dr. Sharon Schuetz

01/26/10

Well you certainly did an Oops this time. I loved it.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

01/26/10

I laughed out loud at least 3 times. You all Master's Levels are humbling this poor beginner. It was a delight to read. It's another one that'll fit into the eeww! topic. I'll laugh if that is next week's comment, then I'll make sure I find yours and read it. I'm excited about seeing more of your work. I do believe, thus far, this one is my favorite from the oops topic.
Love, Shann

01/26/10

Loved it! Brought a big smile to my face this morning.

01/26/10

Oh yeah... that's an oops. I felt actual pain for the MC. I'm not sure I would have wanted the job if it meant seeing this guy and remembering that moment all over again.

Verna Cole Mitchell

01/26/10

I enjoyed tremendously the pictures you painted. Oh my!

Virgil Youngblood

01/27/10

What! No Miranda Warning? I don't think your MC could have withstood any more adversity. This is a well written, fun read.

Patricia Herchenroether

01/27/10

What a howl! Could things get any worse? I laughed my face off. Great story.

01/27/10

This was just too funny. I'm still laughing. The humor in your writing was perfect.

01/27/10

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Oh, too funny. And too gross. And...too funny!

01/27/10

Ha ha ha ha ha! Strategic placement of the loogie was the last draw until the coke flowed to the crotch! Masterful! Ha ha ha

Joy Faire Stewart

01/27/10

This is hilarious with the security guards rushing to the rescue...one "oops" after another. Loved it!

01/27/10

Tee hee. Hee hee hee.
I ruined my doctor's silk tie in a very similar way...lol. This could SO happen. Loved it.

01/27/10

Ewww, oh, oh, oh no, oh dear, arrrgh! Oh Cat, I could see all of this happening as I read it. Well done disaster :-)

Carole Robishaw

01/28/10

Short, sweet, concise, on topic, way too funny, what more is there to say? Loved it!

Kimberly Russell

01/28/10

Oh my gosh--talk about a bad day. This was hysterical, Cat. Great job.

01/28/10

Good slapstick here. A job interview with more coming interviewa than we expected! A belated "Sneezin's Greetings" from Downunder!

Betty Castleberry

04/01/10

Ick, yuck, ewww, and all that. BUT, what a fun read.

Poor girl. I could see it all happening.