The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Really lovely story and great for this topic. Some of the descriptions felt almost too flowery for the setting, as if I couldn't see the scene as a whole because of the amount of description. Still, excellent. Your MC was wonderful.
You did a good job capturing the frustration of the older woman in line. I also like how your mc learned to embrace people's smiles as hugs.
Great descriptive language, but I'm not sure of the significance of the scarf.
I loved the exuberant chaos caused by the bored children - all very realistic. Made it think that it's sad that shopping has become such an impersonal experience where people will queue without speaking to their neighbours.
I presume that the scarf and the baldness relate to some form of chemotherapy.
There's so much energy here; and all so true to life and all so well-described; as was the "force field" rigidity of the tall shopper. I also wondered if the tide of gentleness that swept the scene was exaggerated - until a second reading touched on why your MC was wearing the scarf.
Wow I didn't expect the ending nor the emotion I felt when I read it. This is one of my favorites. You did an outstanding job describing that look of pity and I love how theMC changed it from pity into love which is often what the look is really about!
... sweet nectar for my little humming bird son.

Beautiful description of an active little boy.

Your story is very touching.
Congratulations on your EC!!! I love reading your stories each week:)
Congratulations Theresa! Nice to see you rise to the top. Stan
Well done, Theresa. I'm glad it received an EC. It was one of my favorites.
Wonderful story, Theresa! You captured very well the feelings of both the mc and the tall woman. For a second I, too, was confused about the scarf, but when I read more carefully I realized what was going on and really liked the subtle way you brought that out.

You're quickly becoming one of my favorites. I like a read I have to think about and ponder; one that is written well and doesn't haphazardly place a word or prop in the story. Great job. and congrats on EC.
Congratulations on a well-deserved win.

Congratulations and kudos on your win!
Congratulations on your EC for this excellent story.