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TITLE: she stands on a bridge | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tiffanie Chezum
08/05/08
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she stands on a bridge with her thoughts of demise
and fears she can hardly contain
she’s writing a note for her final goodbyes
but words can’t express all her pain

her mem’ries of laughter from times long ago
seem desp’rately far left behind
she tries to recapture her happiness though
despair is now all she can find

the depth of her sorrow wells up in her eyes
and tears start to pour down like rain
she dwells in remorse as her hope slowly dies
and thinks she is going insane

she stands on a bridge and she’s trembling with fear
in fog that’s enshrouded her soul
she grasps for the images once held so dear
a life that the enemy stole

the nemesis taunts her with torturous lies
and bids her to step toward the rail
she anxiously gazes away to the skies
afraid that her foe may prevail

she stands on a bridge as she clenches her fists
her spirit exploding with rage
she ponders the reason such mis’ry exists
and why she is trapped in this cage

she cries out for answers amidst her despair
with diffidence clouding her mind
she wonders why nobody bothers to care
she’s certain that God must be blind

but something from long ago touches her heart
a feeling of love as a child
a promise once made that He’d never depart
a time in her life when she smiled

she stands on a bridge and there’s nowhere to hide
she may walk away in His grace
or maybe she’ll give up and step off the side
what choice will she come to embrace

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Member Comments

Member

Date

08/08/08

Very effective use of repetition. I like the open-endedness of this.

And this is DEFINITELY my favorite stanza:
the nemesis taunts her with torturous lies
and bids her to step toward the rail
she anxiously gazes away to the skies
afraid that her foe may prevail

08/11/08

OK--Chill bump warning! I can't believe you managed to write this scenario so effectively. Masterful.

08/11/08

Very, very good poetic tale. You ministered your point extremely well and made an impression with this reader. However, my only suggestion would be, I had to use my own imagination to create some visuals and other senosry events. Yet still, the goal is to minister, and that you did. I am very glad I read this. God bless.

Betty Castleberry

08/11/08

I love that you let the reader decide the ending. She picked God, and walked away, of course. ;0)
This has great meter and rhyme. Very well done.

08/11/08

I love the repetition of "she stands on a bridge".

This was my favorite line.. "she stands on a bridge and there’s nowhere to hide"... comforting if you are His, frightening if you aren't.

Verna Cole Mitchell

08/11/08

You presented the mc's dilemma in excellent rhythm and rhyme, leaving the reader to have the last word.

Amy Michelle Wiley

08/12/08

Well done. I, too, liked the ending--you gave us some hope but didn't tie it up in a bow.

Mariane Holbrook

08/12/08

You've got the meter and rhyme thing down pat. What a great poem! Now you can show us some more of your creativity in the Southern thread where we're so happy to have you as our newest member!!

08/12/08

I don't know a lot about poetry, but I know a well written poem when I see one, and this is definitely good.

I liked your ending, because it was left wide open. Sadly, not all of these situations turn out with happy endings, but you made the point that a person going through this type of ordeal has to make a choice.

Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it.

08/13/08

I loved this and it touched me. This is not only a poetic story but poetic reality and poetic Hope. Great work Tim - I loved it.

08/14/08

Your expert storytelling in poetry is reminiscent of Alfred Noyes' "The Highwayman". Wonderful. :)

08/14/08

Tim, it is so good to see you writing again. I have always enjoyed reading your work, and this piece is no exception.

This is really good and I love the rythym and message of it. Keep up the great work.

08/15/08

Ah, this reminds me of "The Lady or the Tiger?" Which way does it end? Well done.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

08/21/10

Wow, you had me bawling by the time I read the first verse. Now I'm shaking so much, my fingers can hardly touch the right letters. It's like you were inside of my brain or channeling me. Thank you so much for sharing. This is awesome, it's pretty neat knowing that God inspired you to write this over two years ago, knowing how desperately I needed to read it today.And it's a testament to our friendship that you gently pointed me to this at just the right time.

08/22/10

Oh my...OoOoO goosebumps!!! Very well written.