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TITLE: Not Like My Soul of Ghosts | Previous Challenge Entry
By Henry Clemmons
02/04/08
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She does not look like me
Her clothes are rags and stained
My door she stands sobs please
Her hands outstretched in pain.

Her clothes are rags and stained
Eyes blue are blurred in tears
Her hands outstretched in pain
Thin lips held taught in fear.

Eyes blue are blurred in tears
Red hair tied tight by string
Thin lips held taught in fear
Yet still she wears my ring.

Red hair tied tight by string
Her smile once warm is gone
Yet still she wears my ring
Chapped cheeks are pale and drawn.

Her smile once warm is gone
My door she stands sobs please
Chapped cheeks are pale and drawn
She does not look like me.

***

She wears a cross of gold
Her presence is divine
My heart now feels paroled
Compared to me she shines.

Her presence is divine
She smells of life forgot
Compared to me she shines
Good bye my friend, Distraught.

She smells of life forgot
Not like my soul of ghosts
Goodbye my friend, Distraught
With chains and taunts and boasts.

Not like my soul of ghosts
She does not look like me
With chains and taunts and boasts
My door she stands sobs please.

She does not look like me
My heart now feels paroled
My door she stands sobs please
She wears a cross of gold.

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Member Comments

Member

Date

02/08/08

This poem was interesting the way it was written. I have never seen that form, using the same line in the next stanza and repeating lines throughout. I was intrigued by that and the message of transformation. Very creative lyrical piece!

02/08/08

It takes a lot of talent to create a poem with this structure - lovely. Great imagery too.

02/09/08

Beautiful imagery and wonderful word pictures through this poem. Very lovely and stark at the same time. Love the title.

02/09/08

A friend pointed me this way to check out the double Pantoum. It is a beautiful form. The genius lies in letting the story unfold gradually. This is a lovely picturesque poem. I would love to hear the author expound more on what it all means. I fell like I'm missing out on something.

02/10/08

I love this form. Kudos to you for experimenting. This would be fun to try.
Funny thing is, even though I like it, I'm sorry I don't get it. Probably me, but I want you to know I missed the point even though I enjoyed the structure and mysterious aspect of it.

02/10/08

Love it, love it, love it! I could never write something this absolutely beautiful. Did I mention--I love it!

Shelley Ledfors

02/10/08

Very impressive. I am so NOT a poet, I have the greatest of respect for those who can write effectively in this genre...like in this entry!

Sharlyn Guthrie

02/10/08

Superb! The style is perfect for your message. Only one little red ink comment: I believe you meant 'taut' rather than 'taught'. That's an easy fix and pales in light of the work as a whole.

02/11/08

I loved this and possibly did not get it.Either she is looking at herself in a mirror or an old friend.The line about the ring made me think she was looking at herself.Very Beautiful and haunting.

02/11/08

This style of poetry captured me with its style and rythum. This was so good, and interesting, and well done!

02/13/08

I liked this. I, too, have not seen poetry in this form--at least not that I can recall. Maybe a bit of clarification as to who is speaking--is the MC comparing herself from the past to how she is now? That's what I thought, but the line about the ring made me then think that I might be off track--maybe a spouse was doing the reflecting?? Anyway, good work.

02/13/08

This is wonderful...your thoughts are beautiful. AND I was so excited to recognize this poetry form after reading about it here on FW. Thanks for trying this. You did great!

Sara Harricharan

02/13/08

I think you did very well here, the transformation is really neat-like your title and I follow the repeating lines, the one with the hand outstretched in pain, that was really descriptive, the best one was the cross of gold. very good writing! ^_^

Loren T. Lowery

02/13/08

Very profound and solemn reading, but oh so well done. Excellent prose and message.

02/13/08

Enjoyed your poem and the way it was written. I was a bit confused with what was happening, but that is not because of your writing, but my challenge with reading poetry. It flowed nice and was a nice read.

02/14/08

This made me think and concentrate as I read it. Not a bad thing! Interesting format and I liked the comparison. Good work!