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TITLE: The Charred Remains ( fiction) | Previous Challenge Entry
By Penny Baldwin
08/01/05
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The day starts
Sunshine
Beaming
Through
The lace curtains

It wasn’t enough
To
Lift my thoughts
My emotions
I reached out
My hand
On the table

The clock
I picked up
The date
The seventh
Of the seventh
The time
7am
This date
Always came
Every day
Every morning

The same
Hopes
Dreams
That one-day
He might
He just might
Come back

Memories
Come
Flooding
Back

Thoughts of
Toast
Lying there on the table
For days
After the shock
Of seeing
The news
That day

The numbness
The pain
The heartache
Again
My thoughts
Turn
To the wreckage
Burned out

Then
Watching the screen
I stood
Transfixed
As the camera
Shooting the scene
Upon a photo
Is fixed
Lying
It was
Halfway down
The road

To my horror
Straightaway
I recognised
The face
Those eyes
That nose
Although partially burned
In tatters
From
The explosion

Collapsing
On the floor
Tears
Rolling
Cries
Of pain
Wracking
Through me

I have to face it
Have to open the letter
Holding on to the bed
The words
Running
Through my head

We are sorry to say
We recognised
Your husband
To be
One of the victims
By his passport photo
There is no other way
Of confirming
There is no other way
We are sorry to say

I know
What to do
I will have to
Pick up
The pieces
I will have to
Pick up
The charred remains
Of my life
Now I know
He is not coming back

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Member Comments

Member

Date

08/01/05

WHEW! this is something,
what a poem.

08/02/05

Your Article has a "fiction" disclaimer on it, but I would say that you captured "fact" most succinctly. From the dreary days that follow the incident, to the awful realization of "love now lost", you speak to the private pain of many. "Right On" & WRITE ON!

Pauly

08/03/05

Very emotional even if it is fiction. I could feel it as I was reading. Very good entry. God bless ya, littlelight

08/04/05

Heart wrenching glimpse in to the grief of another. Well done.

08/04/05

What a great read Penny! You had me reveted with every word! Good job.

08/04/05

WOW, powerful - so many have to face this type of disaster. How do people pick-up the pieces? Will they ever get their "WHY's" answered? Put a "to be continued" on this poem. What's next?

Shari Armstrong

08/04/05

So glad you let us know that was fiction -but I'm sure it tells someone's story somewhere. Very touching.

08/04/05

Emotional. A glimpse into the way death can suddenly turn a life upside down. Imaginative use of the challenge topic. Well done!

Linda Watson Owen

08/05/05

Very real. Too real. You've captured the trauma of a devastating moment.

Amy Michelle Wiley

08/05/05

Wow, very immotional poem. Good job!

08/06/05

Well done Penny.

08/06/05

Riveting!

08/07/05

Strong. Very strong. Captured the essentials but didn't get bogged down in the unnecessary. Really plied the emotions here. I suspect that you won't be in this level for long. This has top 8 potential.

08/07/05

All I can say is...WOW! The title caught my eye first and I had to read what the Charred Remains were. You did a fantastic job on this piece! I could feel the emotions as I read this. Keep up the great work!

08/08/05

Penny, this entry was very good - in fact, I would say it was one of the best things you've written so far at FaithWriters. I will also tell you that two out of three of the judges for Level 1 that week actually gave it quite a high rating. The other was more middle of the road. You definitely are hitting the right spot, so keep pressing on. I believe that your persistence and willingness to keep honing your skill, will be rewarded. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)