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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)

By Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom


Wrigley swished the spit around in her mouth. Then she popped a cherry right in the middle of her wonderful spit. She chewed it and twirled the pit with her tongue. She was determined to break the Fielding Family Cherry Pit Spit Record. Her blue eyes narrowed as she concentrated. She took a deep breath, leaned forward, and got ready to spit. Suddenly, the spit went backwards and the slimy cherry pit went down her throat.

“Eek, cough, sputter, Mommy, come quick.” Tears were rolling down her freckled face. Mommy came running out to find Wrigley alone in the yard crying, “Help! I swallowed my pit. Call 911.”

Finally, Mommy realized that all this hulla-ba-loo was over a swallowed cherry pit. “Wrigley, you don’t scream like that unless it is an emergency.”

“But it is a ‘mergency. I swallowed a pit; Griffith said a tree would grow in my belly if I swallowed a pit.” Several big tears plopped down Wrigley’s face.

Mommy didn’t know whether to laugh or find her elder son and scold him. Instead she decided to reason with an upset 6 year-old, “Wrigley, what makes a seed grow?”

Wrigley sucked up the snot that was dripping out of her nose and said, “Sunlight.”

“Good, there’s no sunshine in your belly. What else do you need?”

“Dirt, oh no my samwitch fell on the ground and had some dirt on it, but I ate …”

“Hold on, you need a lot of dirt for a plant to grow.”

“Yeah and you need water…Aaugghh!”

“Wrigley, Stop. That pit will never grow in your belly. That’s silly."

“What happens to the pit then?”

“God took care of that when he made us. Our body takes all the good things from the cherry and uses it to make us strong. The yucky stuff goes through you and comes out in your poo. In a few days, you’ll have a B.M., and hopefully remember to flush, and no tree will grow in your belly.”

Later, while Wrigley got ready for bed; Mommy came into the bathroom with a surprise. “I bought this brand-new cherry shampoo just for you.”

Wrigley rolled her eyes, “Not funny Mommy. “

After her bath, she checked the toilet for a cherry pit. Wrigley soon fell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, she looked in the mirror and screamed.”Mommy, come quick.” Mommy’s eyes bulged out when she walked into the bathroom. She quickly covered her mouth so Wrigley would not see her smiling at the green streaks in her daughter’s red hair.

“Instead of growing a tree, I’m turning into one.”

Mommy said “Oh-oh I didn’t read the shampoo label. It says it might turn red hair a greenish color, but it it’ll fade in a few days.”

Wrigley looked in the mirror and sobbed, “My hair is turning into leaves. This is awful.”

“No, it’s just the shampoo. You are NOT turning into a tree. Go outside and play.”

That night after Wrigley went to the bathroom; she looked in the toilet, still no pit. The next morning she rushed to the mirror. Her whole body was a deep brown. She screamed “Mommy, I look like a tree trunk.”

“You have a tan from playing outside,” reassured Mommy. Wrigley just glared at her mother.

Before bedtime, Mommy found Wrigley peering into the toilet.”The pit isn’t there, Mommy.”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

The next morning Mommy found Wrigley pointing to red spots on her face while screaming, "Look, baby cherries.”

Mommy hugged Wrigley. “I left the window open and the bugs came in and bit you. Bug bites, not cherries.” Mommy insisted Wrigley stand in front of the mirror. “Tell me what you see.”

“I have green leaves, a brown trunk and cherries growing all over. “

Close your eyes and pray with me, “Dear Jesus, Please help Wrigley control her wild imagination. Let her know you love her so much that you would never turn her into a tree. Thank you for giving us a sense of humor. Amen.

“Now open your eyes and tell me what you see.”

Wrigley giggled. “I see me with green hair, a tan, and itchy bug bites. Sorry my `magination ran away. But I’m never swallowing a cherry pit again.”

Sure enough, that night when Wrigley inspected the toilet, she found the wretched cherry pit, she looked at Mommy and giggled, “Next time let’s pray BEFORE I turn into a tree.”

This time Mommy rolled her eyes.

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This article has been read 851 times
Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp03/04/10
You did a great job reminding me how "preciously" exhausting a 6 year old can be! You also reminded me of tales my twin brother would tell me that were comparable to trees growing in our bellies so I could definitely relate to your daughter's fears as well. I mean big brothers know EVERYTHING. What I liked most about your story is the "realness" of it and kids do have a way of keeping it real:)

Joan Campbell03/04/10
So much I like about this one:- the title (very catchy); the 6 year old's speech (leaving off the first part of words); the imaginative ways in which she thinks she's turning into a tree; her conclusion that her mom should have prayed earlier. Very fun to read. Well done!
Allen Stark03/05/10
Terrific! You helped me recapture my childhood. It was also a great way to start the day...laughing.
Brenda Shipman 03/07/10
This really tickled my funny bone! Believable dialogue, colorful child characterization and so humorous. Loved this one.
william price03/08/10
This was cute. Super opening and the pace didn't let up. You came close to the TMI line a few times, but didn't cross. Great, enjoyale story and very well written. You've got talent! God bless.
Sarah Elisabeth 03/08/10
Cute, and believable dialogue for a six year old
Ruth Stromquist03/08/10
I liked all the everyday things that led her to believe she was turning into a cherry tree. Very good ideas!
Gregory Kane03/09/10
Great characterisation and some wonderful child-like humour.
Unlike William, I didn't like your opening paragraph. Count how many times the word pit or spit occurs. But once I got past what was for me a distraction, the pace picked up and the humour kicked in.
Beth LaBuff 03/09/10
LOL! ...a cleverly woven tale. I had to smile at the samwitch falling in the dirt before she ate it! :) Ah, the joy of being 6 years old! :)
Patricia Herchenroether03/10/10
I have to say it: You went out on a limb with this one. Parts of it made me think yuck instead of eek. Very creative.
Amy Michelle Wiley 09/26/10
Ha, I love this. I can picture the drawings that would go with the children's book!
Alicia Renkema04/11/13
This would be a perfect children's book. I loved this except I would have to agree with William, sometimes a little TMI... I don't usually get into the goo type stories though, so the fact that I liked this as much as I did is a compliment. I actually can't believe you didn't place with this. I thought it was extremely creative and clever. I couldn't help but wonder if there had been less TMI, if it would have placed, but maybe that wasn't the difference at all. I still think it was really funny, believable, and the MC was hysterically cute. Imagine, thinking one is turning into a cherry tree, but that is how a kid thinks sometimes, you know them so well. I loved the mom too, what a fun and understanding mom to have. Good job!