The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/24/07
I love this glimpse back into childhood! The questions that arose from the "sweet mystery of life" that we were just beginning to experience are so familiar. And, the responsibility of those aunties who became a child's confidante are so important. I'd like to read more about Carrie Ann and all those fascinating characters you bring to life!
08/24/07
Yes, I'd like to know more too. This is very good stuff. Kept me interested all the way through.
08/24/07
Excellent piece! The writer has superbly captured how a child observes/inteprets actions and words chosen by others. This story provides a poignant reminder to adults and parents that children are watching very intently. Writing from a child's POV is difficult, but the writer met this challenge by displaying outstanding writing talent! Good job!
08/28/07
Wonderful characterization. I hope you will write more about this little girl. You put me right in that church with her. Excellent.
08/28/07
Some of the descriptions from the church were just like my own memories! The paper fans with the funeral home on the back, the fans in the windows, the fashions that were unacceptable, and many other observances by the child were perfect descriptions of church a while back! Very nice story. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end.
Your imagery and characterization are both outstanding. I would love to read much more from your little girl's point of view.
08/29/07
Good word! I remember those younger thought! Thanks for sharing!
08/29/07
What a wonderful way to place us right there in Carrie Ann's soul!

My only suggestion would be to watch the number of times you use her name, and especially as the first word of a sentence. Occasional use of pronouns, or of more varied sentence structure, would increase the reader's engagement in this piece.

I could easily envision her in the church seat, with all of those cofusing questions in her head. Very sweet.
This is excellent writing. I especially loved your beginning descriptions of the family sitting in the hot church. That part was excellent!
This is excellent writing. I especially loved your beginning descriptions of the family sitting in the hot church. That part was excellent!
09/20/07
I was "there" as I read this. Excellent description! Sure would like to hear the rest of the story!
This is really a cute story. I can relate as I too was raised in church.