Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write something in the YOUNG ADULT or TEEN genre (06/07/07)
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TITLE: Alternate End | Previous Challenge Entry
By Leigh MacKelvey
06/12/07 -
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“Merrie, can I come in?” Dad knocked softly on her door. “Hey, can you forgive a knuckle-headed father who forgot how he felt at sixteen, in love with a girl who didn’t know he had eyes behind his horn-rimmed glasses? Pumpkin, I’m sorry I made things worse for you with my stupid jokes. I was trying to make you smile and didn’t think before I opened my big trap and let those silly remarks roll out. Can we talk a minute?”
Merrie couldn’t answer. All she could do was make gulping sounds. She opened the door and fell into her father’s arms. She was engulfed in the strong hold of a big ole bear, held so safely she knew no one would be able to harm her. It was nice to know her daddy could still hug her like that. “Oh, Daddy, it hurts so much. Will it ever stop hurting?”
“If I remember correctly, it did. But I’ll be honest and tell you it took awhile. I mooned over that girl for months and then something happened.
“I think I know what you’re going to tell me, Dad.”
“Oh, you do, do you? Yeah, I guess I’ve told about how I met Jesus a few times before.”
“Yeah, Dad, about a thousand. You felt like a geek at school, but one day a friend invited you to youth group and you got saved. ”
“Yes, but I never told you about the girl, right?”
“Uh, uh. You left that part out, Dad.”
“Well, I was in love. As I look back now, it wasn’t real honest to goodness love, but it sure felt like it. I should have known how you feel. After I entered a relationship with Christ, I found He would help me through anything. I trusted that He would make something good out of whatever happened to me, and whenever something ended, He would replace it with something better.”
“Even when Mom died?”
“I admit, that was a hard one. I know where she is, though, and someday I’ll be with her. God has helped me see places I’ve grown since she passed away. I was so scared about the first time you had your heart broken by a young man. Scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle it like your mother would have. That’s why I made the silly joke. But as soon as I said the words, God gave me the right words to say. I think I grew a bit tonight. How ‘bout we pray now for God to give you a way through this hard time?”
Your Choice: Which Ending Do You Prefer?
Ending A:
“Dad, I don’t have the faith you do.”
Jim, a boy Merrie knew from History class, called and invited her to the prom. She turned him down and cried all night. Never did she speak to Cara or Nate again.
Alternate End B:
Years later
“ .... and that’s when I prayed and asked God to make something good come out of my first break-up,” Merrie spoke tenderly to her daughter.
“Mom, thanks for understanding how I feel. Did something good happen? I don’t think I’ll ever find something good out of ending things with Daniel.”
“Later that week, Jim, from my history class called and asked me to the prom. I didn’t feel like going, but I wanted to trust God and show my faith. I went anyway.”
“ Jim? That’s Dad’s name.”
“One and the same. I don’t always know why God takes me through trials, but that time He surely gave me the perfect ending! ”
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Really well done, and a great, non-preachifying way to get your point across. Lots of great phrases here, and compelling characters.
I choose ending #2... Still looking forward to what God's going to do... :-)
This shows so much creative thought and imagination.
I liked the trust the daughter had for her dad and the honesty the dad showed towards his daughter...such a great relationship and something that needs to have more written about.
Of course option "B". That's where your characters and your wrting style all belong. Great job.