The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)
Dear Father,

First of all I would like you to know that I love you very much. You were and are the best thing in my life. I love you more than you can ever imagine. I want you to know that you were never the cause of problems, but in fact you were always the rock I could lean on.

Ever since mom died, I have always been a very angry girl. I was and still am, very much a girl. I would find that I would put myself down, I would scream and yell and tell myself that I'm stupid. Whether I really am stupid or not, is not up to me. I always felt, and I still do, that I am a walking disaster. As if everything I touched caught on fire and was destroyed, and that I was always in the way, causing more disaster than necessary, whether anything was actually destroyed or not. I would just get that 'feeling' of being in the way when I really wasn't.

I never did understand why mom had to die, why she had to leave me. Eventually, I started to hate myself, just looking into the mirror to brush my hair or apply makeup was a daunting task. Not because that was just something I had to do whether I wanted to or not, but because I knew I had to look at myself.

One night after getting ready to go out and party all night long like I had done so many nights before, I saw myself in the mirror. I really, really saw myself. Not only did I feel ugly on the outside, but I did on the inside. I grabbed the nearest cup and threw it at the mirror. I was hoping that would satisfy my anger but it only fueled the fire. Then I just grabbed whatever I could and threw it in any direction, the mirror broke and some pieces flew at me. One piece cut my shoulder, at first I cringed at the pain but then I felt a sense of relief.

Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I grabbed the piece of broken mirror and cut myself more. Although this time I cut deeper and harder, really making it hurt. I hated myself that much and I was just angry. Cutting led me to do it every time I made a mistake...whether it was something little or a catastrophe, the problem was that I saw even the littlest things as a catastrophe, I was so hung up on my self and being catastrophic that I thought it was my fault. Whether it really was or not.

I originally wrote this letter to you as a suicide note. I was going to explain everything and why I did it. But as I wrote, I started to realize that my life was much like my arms. Scarred. My life was scarred because I let myself get low enough to degrade myself and I realize that I have a problem. I am now writing this to you to make you aware of what I've been doing.

However, I'm fully aware that you already know all of this. You are Lord, God and I know that you love me no matter what. Now that I have admitted to what I am doing, I believe I am on the right track to recovery and healing. First and foremost I needed to find you and I did.

I am still very angry with everything but hopefully I can learn to keep control of it and express my anger without blowing up.

Simply Yours,
Angel
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 959 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
08/09/07
How interesting that the act of writing became a means of healing for your narrator--I too have found that to be the case.

I think you meant "dearest" (without the "i") for your title.

I like the letter format of this entry.
Lynda Schultz 
08/10/07
I write out my anger, hurt and frustration. Somehow it really does help. Then I rip up what I wrote. Once on paper (and confessed to God), it's gone and I'm sure not going to keep a record of what God has forgotten. Nicely done.
Paul Potenza
08/12/07
Do you need to talk?

If so, there are hundreds of writers here who are willing to go on "Receive" including me.

Your message touched me.

Pauly
Marilyn Schnepp 
08/12/07
Nicely said. Expressive and deeply troubled, but found that talking and/or writing her Father began to heal the wounds. Good job. God Bless.
George Parler 
08/14/07
The beginning of this piece was very dark. But every line marched closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. And what an awesome light He is.

Good job.
Dee Yoder
08/14/07
What happened to the MC is a terrible and sad thing. No wonder there was so much anger! I'm glad the ending of your story lead to the Lord and the hope He can bring into a life.
Joanne Sher 
08/14/07
I love that I didn't find out until the end which "Father" she was writing to. This is very honest and well-written. I also love that the letter was part of the healing.
Jacquelyn Horne
08/14/07
Enjoyed this written confession and how it brought healing.
Seema Bagai 
08/17/07
Great story. You captured the MC's emotions well and described the issue of people who secretly cut themselves.