The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 645 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/14/13
Wow - this was some story! Amazing! Thanks for sharing this touching and beautiful story.

God Bless~
The title drew me in and the rest of the story kept me riveted. Good storytelling. My only red ink is try to avoid passive phrases such as "were heard" (belly laughs were heard) Also this sentence could probably be reworded; it seems a little awkward as is. "Standing right outside my dorm door, where only moments previously I had departed, stood the guys chatting without a care in the world with a bunch of girls they had gathered from campus." Otherwise, this story was thouroughly entertaining - I enjoyed it immensely! Great job.
03/18/13
A funny, oh those college days kind of story. I was freezing right a long with you. You need a little coaching on the punctuation marks. I suggest a critique group or buddy.

But the story itself is well written otherwise and well reiterated. You have a gift for story telling. Loved this!
This was a fun story... I am not sure I would qualify you as not having integrity for doing what you did, maybe stupidity, but not integrity. I also wondered how that daughter would have known just by looking at you unless she knew your name and remembered it. But your story doesn't say that you told her your name or that you guys had been formally introduced so that was a little puzzling at the end. Yet, I thought this was an entertaining piece and I felt for you in your predicament. To be so cold and then get all of those injuries to boot. Hope you healed fast. Thanks for sharing.
03/19/13
The things that happen in college. You did a great job developing the predicament that your character was in. I was cold just thinking about it. The ending made me smile. Somebody's Dad must have enjoyed the telling of that story. Enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing.
Brrrrrrrr... I'm cold now.

Funny story. I am sure this is one of those stories that is retold over and over again. Made me laugh. Thanks! God bless.
Ah yes, as we scramble to find the warmest spot by the hot crackling campfire, we will have great merriment roasting your MC with our marshmallows.

What a fun and creative write! I cringed and shivered, giggled and blushed with your MC.
I thought this was a thoroughly delightful well written memory of days gone by. Since you asked for red ink, it seemed to me the scripture reference at the end changed the tone and flow of the story unnecessarily. The story was quite satisfying without it. I loved the mental images you painted.
03/19/13
Thanks for telling us about this embarrassing, and painful, episode of your life. One can only assume that the girl who recognised you had seen you back then. My 'red ink' comment is that I thought the message at the end was a bit forced and didn't fully fit the story.But, a well told and engaging story.
Oh this was a delightful tale--well maybe delightful and "tail" aren't the best examples, but what I'm trying to say is this is a real hoot! You had me grinning, wincing, shaking my head, and out and out laughing! I liked your beginning, your transitions were seamless and the ending brought the story full circle.

The only red ink I might offer is to go back and count the number of times you used a variation of the word sharp. I think you'll be surprised. Often when I see a topic word overused, it makes me think that the writer may have had some worries that the piece is not truly on topic. If you check out some of the stories in levels 3 and 4, you'll find great examples of writing a story that is definitely on topic, yet never uses the topic word once.

Not everyone can meet that challenge, but I believe that you can in the future. Your subtle sense of humor is amazing. You make it look so easy. I enjoyed this story from top to bottom. (sorry about the puns, but Noel hooked me on them!) Again you did a wonderful job.
03/21/13
Congratulations on your EC. I'm glad this fun story made the cut. Great job!
Congratulations on getting first place in Intermediate -- way to go. This was a very funny story and you got the reader to empathize with your initial fear and then pain.
03/21/13
Priceless!
Thank you for drawing this comic word picture and congratulations on your win.
I knew this was a winner! So funny. Enjoyed it the second time through as well. Congratulations!
04/04/13
I loved it! You made me smile, laugh and cringe. I honestly didn't notice your name, and that you are a woman, until I finished reading. Incredible job. I could feel the sub-zero cold and felt my teeth chattering just thinking about it.