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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)

TITLE: Grace
By Meghan Andersch
02/16/13


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The subterranean dungeon moldered with the scent of despair. Time lost meaning in the perfect blackness. Except for the occasional screams of those driven mad by despair, the only sounds were of rats skittering and chains rasping as prisoners shifted, seeking in vain to ease cramped limbs.

In the heart of the dungeon, Gilead shivered in his narrow cell. He had once been a proud servant of the King, but long years had passed since he had taken up residence here. His clothing had disintegrated off his frame until he now wore little but the chains encircling his emaciated body. Gilead had betrayed his King and was doomed to live out his days in desolation.

Once daily, the jailer would descend the narrow stone stairs and fling a portion of rancid cabbage through a slot in each cell door. Flickering torchlight and the dissonant clanging of the bunch of keys on his belt heralded his approach.

The jailer delighted in pausing in front of Gilead’s door and rattling his keys.

“You piece of filth,” he would sneer, “you’ll never see the light of day again. Why not just curl up and die?”

He bellowed with laughter and shook the cell door.

Gilead forced his mind to blankness. He stared sightlessly through the hours. Rats ran over his face and scavenged scraps of cabbage from his beard, but he paid no heed. This was his penance.

One day as he lay in his stupor, the echo of a distant voice began to encroach on his senses. ‘The jailer,’ he thought, ‘coming to mock me.’

But as the voice grew louder and clearer, Gilead realized the truth was far worse.

It was the voice of the King.

“Gilead,” he called. “You have wasted time enough. Come out and face me.”

Gilead shook his head. His voice, long disused, rasped from his throat. “I cannot.”

But the King called, “Come.”

Gilead shuddered, and the shackle around his neck bit into his scrawny flesh.

“I would give anything,” he croaked, “to serve you again. But it is too late.”

“Gilead,” called the King, “arise and come out.”

Light shone through the keyhole. It crawled under the door and illuminated a patch of dirty stone floor.

Gilead squinted at the luminescence. His body longed to feel the embrace of sunshine. His soul longed for the touch of the King.

‘Once more, before I die,’ Gilead decided.

He pushed himself to hands and knees. As he moved, his chains fell away and the cell door swung open.

Gilead’s eyes watered in the cascading radiance. He crawled forward and stretched out his hand to locate the stairs. Finding them, he began laboriously to climb, juddering atrophied limbs pulling him up inch by stubborn inch.

At last, he reached the top. Fresh sweet air sang to him as currents eddied around his body, cooling the heat of his exertion. He pulled himself outside and fell on his face before the King.

“I have betrayed you,” Gilead said. “I cannot merit your grace, but I humbly ask your pardon before I die.”

“You have betrayed me,” agreed the King. “By rights, you should die. But your pardon is granted. The price of your transgression was paid even before your fall from grace.”

He bent to touch Gilead’s shoulder. “Rise and be restored to your former place,” he said.

He put his arm about Gilead’s body and helped him to his feet. At the king’s touch, strength flowed back into Gilead’s limbs. His sores and filth vanished.

“But what about the dungeon?” Gilead asked.

“You chose imprisonment,” answered the King. “All these years, you have been your own jailer. The door was open. To gain forgiveness, you had only to ask.”

Tears began to streak Gilead’s cheeks. “I have been a fool,” he choked.

With his arm still about Gilead’s shoulders, the king turned. Gilead was stunned to see a throng of people standing there, smiling in broad welcome.

Two women ran forward and Gilead recognized his wife and daughter. They covered his body with a robe and adorned his face with kisses. He wrapped his arms about them and clasped them tightly as they wept together.

The king raised his arms and spoke a benediction over the family.

“And now to the feast,” he announced, “for we rejoice that he who was lost now is found.”

The answering roar rose from a thousand throats in a triumphant key that shook the ground and ascended straight to Heaven.


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This article has been read 198 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ann Menschel 02/22/13
Your writing was very descriptive, bringing up clear images in my mind as I read. It portrayed the wonderful truth of God's unmerited favor to each of us.
Linda Berg02/24/13
Gilead was so wrapped up wallowing in the misery of his conditions that he did not realize not only was he imprisioned by his doings but also remained that way because of his refusal to search for change: repentance and forgiveness. You developed the character well. He brought remembrances of my life at times, wallowing in the misery of my failings without being able to see or take hold of the grace of God.
Judith Gayle Smith02/24/13
Well written. I felt his misery become true joy - His King - our King - I love this.
CD Swanson 02/24/13
Beautiful job with this piece. I felt the Lord's love and mercy throughout...nicely done.

Thanks. God bless~
Chris Goglin 02/25/13
This article flowed so well, it kept me on the edge of my seat! It brought out the true meaning of grace and forgiveness. Great submission!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/26/13
I love this story! what exquisite detail and horrible, yet wonderful pictures you painted. You made me shiver and that's not always easy to do. The only red ink I have is that you used the word despair twice in the opening paragraph. I think this is a creative take on the topic. You delivered your message in a powerful way, but didn't come off as preachy. This is pure talent, for sure. :)
Alicia Renkema02/27/13
You made me really care about Gilead and what happened to him, so that by the end of your story (which had such a delightful surprise ending) I rejoiced along with him in the mercy and grace he was receiving at the hands of the King. I too loved your word pictures and descriptions. You know how to weave an excellent story. I did have a little trouble getting into the story because of the first line, it was just such a downer. If you removed it, you would be removing one of the aforementioned duplicated "despairs" and I think keep the suspense up for a few sentences as to where this is all taking place. Just a thought... Nice job!
Pam Ford Davis 02/28/13
Congratulations!

Wing His Words
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/28/13
I wanted to say congrats, but also waned to show you how different one person's opinion is.That's the thing with feedbacks, different people can have vastly different preferences so you must remember it's just one person's opinion and in the end, the choice has to be yours. I liked the dark beginning. For me it set the stage and I could almost hear the spooky music in the background that is played to show the viewer danger is near.:)
Alicia Renkema02/28/13
This was such a wonderfully clever story. Great writing -- I am really glad that it won 1st place in this level. Congratulations to you!
Myrna Noyes02/28/13
WOW!! Your last line was such a positive, powerful ending to a piece that opened with deep darkness and despair! It made me happy! :) Your descriptions were excellent and your message clear. I loved this passage: "“You chose imprisonment,” answered the King. “All these years, you have been your own jailer. The door was open. To gain forgiveness, you had only to ask.” What truth! What grace and mercy! HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 1ST PLACE LEVEL WIN!! I look forward to reading more of your work. WAY TO WRITE! :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/28/13
Congratulations on placing first in your level and for ranking 15 overall! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards for the top 8 to 15 in each level and the top 35 overall.)
CD Swanson 02/28/13
Congrats. God bless~
Bea Edwards 03/04/13
You painted a beautiful portrait of grace! Congratulations on your winning entry and I look forward to reading more of your creative, colorful stories.
Olawale Ogunsola 03/06/13
A creative piece no grace. Congratulations on your win!