Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Writing (01/11/07)
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TITLE: Writer's Block-Searching for Serena | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sara Harricharan
01/17/07 -
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Pushing away from the keyboard, I scowled at the computer screen, the Microsoft word file glaring back at me.
“You okay?” Andy, my husband, of 9-years mumbled the question around a mouthful of sandwich.
“I can’t get these characters to come alive.” I looked to him miserably.
He chewed thoughtfully. “Which story?”
“Novel.” I corrected. “This is my sequel, remember?”
Andy’s eyebrows knitted themselves together. “The best-seller or the other one?”
“Make me a sandwich and I’ll tell.” I bargained, my stomach rumbling as I eyed his mouth-watering handful.
He grinned, turning back to the kitchen. I clicked “save” before trotting after him.
It was a matter of minutes before he set the masterpiece in front of me on a blue china plate, with a paper napkin tucked underneath.
Seating himself across the counter, he waited to hear my dilemma. “The sequel is for the best-seller.” I began. “Remember Jonas and Serena?” I took another bite, as he thought about it. “No? Okay, they’re the two MC’s. Book one, meet and marry. Book two, married a few years, Jonas discovers Serena disappears early in the morning.”
Andy’s brow furrowed once more. “Why?” He asked.
My head hung. “I’m not sure.”
Andy nodded slowly, thinking as he slid off the stool. “Finish your snack, and get your riding boots and jacket.”
I blinked, surprised. “Where are we going?”
He winked.
I didn’t argue, stuffing the remaining bites of sandwich in my mouth, heading for the coat closet.
I managed to catch up to my darling husband as he brought my favorite mount to the back porch, all ready to ride. I looked for his horse, but only saw Duskin.
Andy chuckled, mounting and extending his hand to help me up. Duskin started to move as I held on tight, beginning to whisper.
“Shhh!” Andy whispered back, turning Duskin towards the east fields.
My mystery ride continued, I fell asleep, only to be tickled awake a moment later to stare at a large gray rock, sitting out in the middle of nowhere.
We dismounted and I followed Andy to the rock. He boosted me up, climbing up behind and promptly lying down. I looked at him in puzzlement. He motioned for me to do the same.
Grimacing, I dropped to my knees, gingerly easing myself down on the rock.
It was cold. Freezing, even, but Andy didn’t seem to care. “Up.” He murmured, pulling me close.
I stared up into a vast expanse of gray-blueness. After careful scan, I dared to whisper. “What am I looking for?”
Andy propped himself up on one elbow and covered my eyes with his free hand. “Listen.”
I didn’t hear anything at first.
I say at first, because it was the second that I heard something. Strange-sounding, I guessed it to be the wind. A faint cry trickles through the air, soft rustles accompany a quiet whinny. I didn’t have the faintest clue what I was listening for.
“…and please Father, give her the words to write, to fill the empty pages you’ve gifted her…”
Andy’s murmured prayer was barely audible, his hand moved as I turned, his eyes closed, his face peaceful, upturned to the sky.
The image etched itself in my mind as his lips continued to move, but I could no longer heard his voice.
Pictures and words flew through my head, fading away as quickly as they’d come and then I heard and I don’t know if I’ll ever hear again.
The wind sounded like many voices in song. The rustles of grass, like running water, the bird call and Duskin’s whinny, all blended together in something I can’t begin to describe.
In my frantic effort to pen another best-seller, I’d forgotten the One who’d given me the idea, forgotten how I’d written it.
Thank you, Father. I prayed, sitting up suddenly.
I knew why this was so familiar.
Page 237 of my best-seller, Jonas meets Serena while riding to a rock at the end of the resort’s fields.
A smile tugged at the corners of Andy’s mouth. He knew I’d figured it out. I reached over and smoothed his forehead. Thank you, Father, for Andy.
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You hadn't mentioned earlier in the piece about the place being familiar but did at the end - thought that perhaps mentioning it earlier would be better so that you could explain why at the end. Or perhaps I missed it although I did go back and read it again.
All the same, enjoyable to read.
When you only have 750 words to play with it makes more sense to take one setting and one incident to fill that space. You put two into this one - your kitchen and the outdoors. I think if you had shortened the block and sandwiches considerably, you could have done the storyline more justice. One more thing - you mention the plate color, the napkin etc., but try not to list these things, rather include them, i.e. she followed the blue outline of the milkmaid's face on the sideplate with her finger as she tried to word her anxiety. That way we can be inside your MC's body feeling and seeing with her.
I liked the descriptions you used in the second half, and you gave the whole thing a good mix of description, dialogue and narrative. Good job!
I know I find much peace and joy and inspiration from riding my horse, Krissy. Thanks for sharing.
You do have a great writing-talent gift from God, obvious in your knack for pulling the reader into your story. I think you had just the right amount of description to flavor the dialog and give us a good "picture" setting.
One thing surprised me. The husband actually pulled the writer away from her work! (My poor husband just gets "Scram!"-med away so I can hang onto my train of thought :)
Thank you for your comments on my writing, too. I appreciate you, Friend!