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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: WHISPER (12/08/22)
"Hey Mary, wait up,” called Rachel.   "I saw you with Joseph at the market.   Are you two an item?"  

Mary turned around to face her friend.   As her eyes lit up, her smile was the answer.  "Rachel, we are more than dating.   We are engaged to be married" smiled Mary.

"WHAT!" Exclaimed Rachel.   "When did this happen?"   

"Just yesterday, as we were having a picnic lunch together.  Joseph asked me to be his wife and I said yes.  He is the perfect man for me, and I love him."

"I'm very happy for you" whispered Rachel.   "I hope I find someone as kind and gentle as Joseph someday."

Mary grabbed Rachel's hand and said, "You will Rachel.   Let God direct you.  He makes no mistakes.  Never.   I need to get home Rachel.   Joseph is coming for dinner tonight and I must help mama prepare."

Mary and Joseph enjoyed a wonderful meal with Mary's family present.  Plans for the upcoming wedding were talked about.   There was much laughing, planning, and fellowship as these two love-birds thought about their future.   Soon it was time for Joseph to return to his home.

After a wonderful evening, Mary retired to her room.   Once there, she prepared for bed but before she could lay her head on the pillow a strange thing happened.  An angel appeared and said, "Greetings, favored woman!  The Lord is with you!”

"What?   Who are you?" A frightened Mary asked.

"Don't be afraid, you have found favor with God!   You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus.  He will be called the Son of the Most High."

"How can this be as I have never known a man," asked Mary.

"The Holy Spirit will do this and the baby will be called the Son of God”.

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary quietly replied.

"But what will I tell Joseph?"  Mary whispered to herself.

The next day Mary went to the home of Joseph to share the news with him.  As you can imagine, Joseph was confused, troubled, and a little angry that Mary would do such a thing.   “What do you mean, you are pregnant. We just got engaged yesterday,” scolded Joseph.

As is the custom, he had every right to stone her for her betrayal, however, because he loved her so, he decided to divorce her quietly.   

A distraught Mary returned to her home, planning a visit to her Aunt Elizabeth.

Meanwhile, that evening as Joseph settled down for the night he  had a dream.  An angel appeared and said,  "Joseph, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife.   For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit.  She will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins."

When Joseph awoke, he knew what he was to do.   He dressed quickly, then ran to the home of Mary.    Out of breath from his running, he knocked on the door.  Mary's mother answered. "Hi Leah, is Mary here?" Asked Joseph.

"I'm sorry dear but Mary has gone to visit her Aunt Elizabeth.   She plans to be gone three months.   You could send her a message?"

"I'll do that, thank you."

Joseph went home and composed a letter to Mary. He would send it with his servant to the home of Elizabeth.  The note read, "Mary, I am sorry I turned you away.   You will never believe this, but an angel appeared to me and told me the baby you are carrying is a Gift from the Holy Spirit.  I am to name him Jesus! Please accept my apology.  I do love you and want to marry you as soon as you return."

Mary read the letter more than once, smiling that the man of her dreams did love her and wanted to marry her.  Her baby would have an earthly father to take care of him.   An earthly father to teach him a trade.  An earthly father who would love her forever, just as her Heavenly Father did.  Her heart leapt with joy as she considered her future with Joseph.

"Thank you Father," whispered Mary.   With that thought close to her heart she began to sing a most glorious song of praise to her Lord.

When the unexpected happens in our lives that changes things forever, are we able to sing a song of praise to God and whisper, “Thank you Father, I give you my praise.”'


Story from Matthew 1 and Luke 1
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This article has been read 278 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Sue Botte 
12/18/22
An ancient tale, with a modern message.

Be grateful for all. Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/19/22
You do a nice job of retelling the story in a modern way that people can relate to. You pulled me in right away. Instead of using words like frightened or tag lines like she exclaimed, use body language to paint a picture of those words. You also have some punctuation errors with taglines. This link might help:
https://writersrumpus.com/2019/09/27/dialogue-tag-punctuation-rules/#:~:text=How%20to%20Punctuate%20Dialogue%20Tags%201%201%29%20Place,with%20capital%20letters%2C%20just%20like%20a%20regular%20sentence.
You do include the words whispered, but if you switched them to said, the topic wouldn't be obvious. You can weave the topic in even more with showing that awe, surprise, and settings that make them whisper. You've a wonderful start on it for sure. I think your ending is great and really brings the story full circle. Your message is clear and a beautiful one, especially this time of year.
Philippa Geaney
12/20/22
Great take on the beginning of our beloved Christmas event. I felt a little surprised on reading that Mary's angelic encounter was not at the well - in all my school plays Mary was at a well :). I immediately left my reading and hauled out two different translations. Seems all my life I've assumed, despite reading that Scripture many times that the young Mary was at a well. Amazing what childhood influences can have.
Thank you for a fresh focus on each word I read.
Shann's comments is good learning for us all.
Well done.
Bonnie Clarkson
12/20/22
Good job on the story. I don't see where the whisper topic comes in, but that doesn't mean it is a bad story. "Present" is unnecessary in "a meal with Mary's family present." I had an editor tell me to use more contractions in dialogue. You might want to double check that.
Keep writing.