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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: WHISPER (12/08/22)
"How long legs would you need to jump across the Grand Canyon?" asked Penny, the sixteen-year-old, who was walking to school.
"Penny." Katarina, her friend, walked beside her. "You say the first thing that comes to mind. What if you say something that hurts someone?"
"I don't go for that," she shrugged. "I like the silly. The impossible. The combination is fun. Like. You know. How many frogs would it take to eat all the mosquitoes in the world?"
"Oh Penny. That would be nasty. Kicking frogs out of the way. I'd hate to deal with that."
"Then there's the thought of—"
"Wait a minute. I have to stop and pray."
"Pray?!."
Katarina had already stopped at the crosswalk and closed her eyes to pray silently.
"But the stoplight is green," said Penny. "We only have 10 minutes to get to school. We need to cross the street."
Her prayer was just long enough for the stoplight to turn red.
"Well, that was a waste of time," said Penny with one hand on hip and books in her other arm.
"I had a God-whisper. Or at least that's what my Mom calls it. She says when God brings someone to mind, pray for them right then and there. Azure came to my mind."
"Now that's silly. You'll never know if it was worth it."
"I'd rather do it, then regret not doing it."
*****
At the entrance of the high school, the girls greeted Azure stepping out of the car.
"My parents," said Penny to Azure, "would never trust me with a car. Even if it was a tank like yours."
"Yeah," said Azure.
"You aren't gushing about how your parents let you go anywhere," said Katarina.
Azure didn't answer.
Katarina noticed movement in Azure hands. "Your hands are trembling. Is something wrong?"
"I almost slammed into a semi." Her voice cracked, and she started to cry. "That was just 10 min ago. I was running late—".
"Oh, Azure," Katarina wrapped her arms around her tightly. Azure leaned on her shoulder. Katarina looked back at Penny.
She was standing still with lips parted. "That was when you prayed."

1 Thessalonians 5:17, KJV. "Pray without ceasing."
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This article has been read 277 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Laurie Kiel 
12/15/22
What a great example of how we need to listen to the whisper of God. I love the ending of this story. Great reminder to us all to pray when God brings someone to mind. Great job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/19/22
This is an awesome story. I really enjoyed the characters. It was hard to tell who was speaking sometimes. A double space between paragraphs would help. You could also use some body language to show who's speaking while painting a vivid picture for the reader and showing the emotion at the same time. The dialog doesn't feel 100% authentic as teens use slang, incomplete sentences, and contractions, but you've a great start on it. And I appreciate Penny's thoughts as my mind also goes to all the silly things like that. I enjoyed your take on the topic. You did a great job of weaving it in while delivering a clear, powerful Christian message. I really look forward to reading more of your work.
Philippa Geaney
12/20/22
Oh well done!
Great focus on the topic and it kept the reader's interest. I agree a little more spacing amy have made reading a little easier.
Kudos.