Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: WEEKEND AWAY (short vacation) (07/23/15)
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TITLE: STIFF WIND | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dixie Koch
07/30/15 -
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She opened the window, yearning for the gentle breeze. It was still there. It gently touched her face.
“Come on gramma! It's time to go.”
“For everything there is a season,” her heart whispered.
“Gramma, why are you crying?”
“Because this once was home. My heart is visiting here once again.”
“Gramma,” Jeremiah said, “This is Ashly's wedding! This isn't a time to be sad.”
She leaned on her cane, and tried to ignore the creak in her back as she took a step toward the door.
She followed the slightly impatient Jeremiah down memory's lane, past the rose bushes. She stopped to breathe in the familiar smells as the flowers waved their fragrance her way.
Her heart skipped a little faster as they walked into the back yard, by the old swing sets. They were still swinging? Or was it just the wind blowing? No, it had to be them! Annie and Billy and Susie, laughing and singing. And, Billy was swinging so high she had to warn him to be careful.
“Gramma come on. You don't want to miss the wedding, do you?”
She blinked again. The swing sets were moving in the wind. Her heart was blowing beside them. She could feel it.
She loved this path, she could never hurry down it. It was too precious.
The old red barn to her right. It still stood strong. The sun was kissing the old boards and by it stood the ponies. Yes, they were standing by the barn. She had bought them for her grand children. She laughed in the breeze. “Wait Jeremiah, Banjo is nickering for you.”
Jeremiah stopped in his tracks. He turned, and took many steps toward her. “Gramma. Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she laughed, glee sparkling in her eyes, and the wind was blowing softly through her hair.
“Gramma. They are not there.” His expression was serious. His eyes big. “And Ashly's wedding is starting soon. Everyone is waiting for you.”
She blinked. The barn door was open and flapping in the wind. She blinked again, expecting to see those sweet ponies, but they had disappeared. Perhaps they were in the barn now.
Several steps away yet. All her children and grandchildren were waiting for her. They would all be together again. How much she loved them. There were no words, only the sweetest memories, like a water pot from above watering the the tender moments of her yesteryears.
The shed on her left. There was her old car. She had given it to Billy. How he had loved to tinker around with cars. He could restore anything. Didn't Billy know he better get cleaned up now for the wedding? “Billy!” Her voice carried in the wind. “Billy, you must hurry. Your daughter is getting married soon, and we mustn't be late.”
“Gramma!” Jeremiah's words returned through the wind. “Gramma, what is wrong? Billy is at the wedding. Hurry he is waiting for you there.”
The sound of grandchildren dancing and singing and picking flowers for her was music whooping and playing fiddles in her heart.
She stopped. “Wait a minute Jeremiah. Ashly is picking me a bouquet of flowers.” A smile pushed back all the wrinkles of times gone by. “Hurry honey! There's going to be a wedding.” She waited to kiss her youngest granddaughter. She waited to hold the blossoms in her hand.
Jeremiah walked back to her. “I don't understand Gramma. Yes, Ashly has flowers in her hand. They are her wedding bouquet. Come. Take my hand Gramma. Me and Jeffry are ushers and we will lead you to a seat up front. You will see it all real well from there. You will see Ashly and the flowers.”
She took his hand. “Jeremiah, you have grown so tall and strong. Once I held you in my arms. Now I can barely get my arms around you. Stop for a moment and let me try.” Her arms reached up to gather in his waist. She held unto him as the tears fell. “My grandbabies are all grown and leaving now. Soon you will too. I must hold you close while I can.”
She sat in the chair, in the beautiful back yard, amidst lovely flowers of colorful shades. Beautiful Ashly, dressed in dazzling white, held blossoms of rare beauty.
A stiff wind was picking up the petals and blowing them to her. She was catching them. In her heart they would stay, forever.
“Gramma, why are you crying?”
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I noticed some little things like missing commas and incomplete sentences like this one:
The old red barn to her right. which could be fixed like this: The old red barn was still standing strong.
Personally, I'm not crazy about sentences that begin with conjunctions like or, and, but, however, I understand that it is becoming more acceptable in informal writings, so it's more my hangup than an error.
Overal you did a great job. Not only was this a weekend getaway, but also a trek down memory lane told in such a way I felt like I was right there watching it unfold.
God bless~