Fighting Brothers | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Fighting Brothers | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ellen Janson
05/31/23
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Glancing out my kitchen window, I saw two sons gawking at the ground where another two were rolling around in the snow. The facial expressions and aggressive way in which the two were “tossing” each other, told me they were doing more than just playing in the snow. They were so intertwined that I could only decipher who a body part belonged to by recognizing Nathan’s new snow pants.

I checked to make sure my nine month old son was securely strapped into his high chair, quickly slipped my feet into my husband’s nearby vacant boots and ran outside to the knee deep Michigan snow. Peeling Andrew and Nathan off of each other, I sharply sent them each to separate rooms in the house.

I would like to claim that in my wisdom and experience, I gave them time to settle down, but it was more that they had left a wake of wet clothes and boots in their paths. And my nine month old was starting to revolt from being strapped into his seat for so long. By the time I got to their respective rooms, they were both still upset, but their anger had subsided a bit. A snowball fight had gotten out of hand (again) and, of course, each thought the other was in the wrong.

At ages 12 and nine, Andrew and his brother Nathan had recently been fighting quite a bit, but it usually only involved words, not physical contact. Despite having five boys very close in age, this was unusual in our house. My husband and I worked hard to teach our sons that a brother was a gift from God. We did everything we could to foster friendship amongst our sons.

I sat on Andrew’s bed, allowed him to vent a bit, and then explained to him that Nathan wanted to impress him more than anyone else in the world. I told him he had the ability to make Nathan feel very small or very big. Not having an older brother himself, I relied on older cousins - whose opinions meant so much to Andrew - to help him understand how Nathan might feel when he put him down.

I then went into Nathan’s room, and explained to him how Andrew was feeling. Andrew was very small for his age, and was going through a pretty difficult time in middle school. There was no way he could allow his nine year old brother to out muscle him - he had to “save face”. Having a couple of younger brothers himself, Nathan definitely understood this and was able to have some compassion for Andrew.

This was definitely not the last time these two fought, but they understood each other a little better that day. As each gained some self esteem and maturity, the fights became fewer and farther between.

Now in their early twenties, these two have become the best of friends. Nathan seeks Andrew’s advice and has a great respect for his opinions. Andrew has grown (both physically and spiritually) and is now confident enough in himself to thoroughly enjoy his brother’s company and celebrate Nathan’s strength.

Even when Nathan beats him in an arm wrestling match!

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