The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/20/23
This story held my attention. You did a good job with the topic words. I recently watched Downton Abbey again, and this story reminds me of that series. Well done.
01/20/23
Interesting story.
You have a great story here. It moved along nicely. My only wince what that the pastor's wife didn't feel qualified to tell Rosie about Jesus. Just my personal opinion.
Thanks for sharing . Blessings
01/25/23
Charming and on topic:-).
This is a great story. I enjoyed the dialog and you did an awesome job of writing both topic words into the story. You may want to double space between paragraphs to make it easier to read. The dialog is delightful but add some body language as well. What does Rosie do when she's frustrated (wring her hands, grit her teeth, roll her eyes)? What does her face look like when she's confused? These little details will paint more of a picture for the reader. I enjoyed the little conflicts throughout the story. The ending felt a bit rushed. Be careful of POV shifts. The reader can only know what the MC knows so we wouldn't the cooks thoughts about whether Rosie understands or not, but perhaps a sigh and a pat on the back of her hand along with the dialog would show the reader that. If you tighten up some of the sentences and get rid of anything that doesn't move the story forward, it'll leave you more word count to show these things. You've an excellent start to a fun, spunky character. I enjoyed the setting and felt pulled back in time. And you delivered a powerful message without being preachy.