The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/15/22
I enjoyed the story and the writing style. Riveting.

Thank you!



















i
09/16/22
I really enjoyed this story. It held my attention, had just enough suspense and a happy ending, which reminded me of the happy ending waiting for us as followers of Jesus.
Suspense mixed with a happy ending an encouraging lesson. Doesn't get much better than that. Thank you.
This is a delightful tale. You held my interest from the beginning to the very end. One thing you might want to consider is more showing. Instead of saying your husband is excited, show what that looks like. Perhaps he's grinning from ear to ear or lightly bouncing on his toes as he swings your arms back and forth. FW offers a free book to Gold and Platinum members that will really help with that called Bring Your Writing to Life. You just need to email Mike and ask for it. Another thing I noticed was the wife was turned around so she could see where they were going (a brilliant idea in my opinion), but how can she see that the bears are catching up if she is facing the other way? It's a little thing, but little things can make a huge difference. I liked your take on the topic. I love when people include prayers in stories because some people don't know how to pray. Personally, I don't feel it was childlike at all. You do a nice job developing conflict and resolving them.
09/21/22
This was not only enjoyable but had a great Biblical message at close. Wonderful, thank you!
God bless~
09/22/22
Congrats!
God Bless~