Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: JOURNEY (01/13/22)
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TITLE: My Story | Previous Challenge Entry
By Marilyn Meiners
01/15/22 -
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My worst fear. That my mom would die and I would be raised by my father. My fear overpowered me and caused me great anxiety.
We were a family of five. An older brother and younger sister. My mom was loving, patient and kind. I loved my mother. I would do anything for her.
My dad was someone I feared. He had a temper which would erupt without warning. He was verbally abusive to us all. As a youngster I learned to never cross his path the wrong way, so I kept my distance from him. I don’t remember a loving, doting father.
From the outside looking in people thought we were a model family. We were in church every Sunday where my parents sang in the choir and my dad was an usher. Us kids were in Sunday school and the various youth programs. In church my dad was a perfect gentleman, speaking kindly to all he greeted. I often wished I could take that daddy home with me, not the one I knew would be coming home.
There was one problem with our “religious” activities. We belonged to a very liberal church in our hometown. My faith was very weak and I did not know what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Thus I carried the weight of my family on my shoulders. I had no idea that Jesus said in his Word, “Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
Anxiety won and at age twelve I lost it.
“A nervous breakdown” - that is what the doctors called it. They had a name for what I was feeling physically, they just did not know how to recommend a cure.
For the next year I lived in a dark, lonely, fearful place. I would stay as close to my mom as I possibly could. When at home I was constantly by her side. This was a challenge for my mom as she never knew what I would do next.
I can remember getting up In the middle of the night, walking to my parents bedroom and standing in the doorway watching my mother breathe. If I saw the covers move up and down, I knew she was still alive and I could go back to bed and fall asleep.
I did this every night.
I was so engrossed in the idea that my mom would die, that I often did things for which I could not explain. When I helped my mom put away groceries after grocery shopping she might find the canned goods in the refrigerator and the eggs in the cupboard. I had no idea I had even done this.
I couldn’t concentrate.
I couldn’t think.
I couldn’t comprehend.
"Would mom die?"
During this year I did manage to go to school, and somehow get my homework done on time. I even passed to the next grade at the end of the school term. But it was a lonely year. Because of my strange behavior, kids avoided me. I couldn’t explain to them what I was going through because I didn’t know myself what was happening. When I was at school all I could think about was, “is my mom okay”.
Life was no longer enjoyable. I would cry easily. I lost my ability to laugh and smile. I did not want to hang out with my friends, what few I had. I had no interest in the world around me.
My mom continued to pour out her love on me. She protected me from my dad. She assured me all would be well eventually. She took me from one doctor to another in order to find someone who could help me.
And she prayed.
Finally, she found a doctor who took my “nervous breakdown” seriously. He gave me some medication and within a few weeks I was starting to feel better. All the anxiety seemed to be lifting. I began to see life as something worth living. My journey into the deep was gone.
I now journeyed into freedom and release.
Fast forward to the present.
I found Jesus!
I often wondered why God allowed me to take this journey as a youngster.
As a pastor’s wife today I have been able to share this experience with others who are going through something similar. As I learned to forgive my dad, I have encouraged others to forgive as well.
God makes no mistakes!
Story is non-fiction
Scripture is 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV)
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But the article was well thought out. I know it was lived. May God give grace to your writing endeavors.