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TITLE: A mother on Serengeti | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gloria Pierre Dean
01/04/14
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Weary feet in dirty shoes
Trudge home to young ones waiting.
For dinner and then bedtime.

Hustle in. Start a charcoal fire.
Stack vegetables and roast meat.
Get water from the well.

Call my children; issue orders.
Clean Dishes, Table set
And serve the hasty meal.

This is the time for talking.
School day; is homework done?
Then Ready them for bed.

Do Prayers and a Bible story.
After heads and pillows blend
I am a woman alone, and quiet.

Best time of day for me.
Tomorrow is a working day.
I sit and raise my feet.

Look at the great horizon!
The sun is setting low.
Thank Maker for this great beauty.

We live on Serengeti.
In a village with my people,
I Praise God. It is so peaceful.

At the end of toil, I hear distant echoes.
Night creatures are on the prowl,
At day’s end in Serengeti

(Fiction)

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Member Comments

Member

Date

01/09/14

I like this poem very much! Nice treatment of the theme. "At the end of toil, I hear distant echoes." Lovely!

Larry Whittington

01/09/14

I liked the short chopy rythme that came to me as I read it.

The whole day is unfolded. There was toil and yet joy; lonliness yet anticipation of a new day.

I liked what it told.

01/10/14

As a Level 1 writer, you might not be aware of the free writing lessons available on the FaithWriters forums. This week’s lesson is on writing devotionals, and next week will cover writing on topic for the weekly challenge. Look for it at http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67, or if you’re on Facebook, you can “like” Faithwriters Writing Lessons. I’d love to have your input into the conversation there!

01/10/14

This told a pretty significant story. Well done!

God bless~

01/11/14

The record of a day in the life of a busy single mother, this seems. Even how you presented the poem echos haste! Very nice.

01/11/14

The simple voice here is absolutely perfect for the picture being painted.

01/12/14

I enjoyed this piece, and hope to read more entries from you soon. Keep up the good work.

01/13/14

Very well-written poem. It tells a beautiful story of the end of a day in the life of a plain Serengeti mother and her children.

"After heads and pillows blend
I am a woman alone, and quiet."

Love these lines. Well done.

Meghan Andersch

01/14/14

I enjoyed your poem and the rhythm it conveyed of a busy life. I liked your depiction of the busy end of a busy day, and finally some time to enjoy quiet while "heads and pillows blend" and the night creatures begin to stir.
Nicely done. :)

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

01/17/14

Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.)