The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This was a nice short story write.Just enough information was given about the girl for a reader to know who she was and why she would be a witness.

The conclusion was up for the reader to fill in.

Good description of the emotions she had while waiting.
Excellent! Gripping. I couldn't stop reading it through to the end, which came much too quickly.
I wanted to write this same story, but I ran out of time to finish it. I love the description of the main character.

More spacing between the paragraphs could help with readability.
This is a brilliant take on the topic. You did an outstanding job of building the suspense. I could feel my heart beat harder as I read. The details like sweat and pacing were perfect examples of showing not telling. You could have said She was nervous as she waited. Instead you painted a picture that did a great job of not only showing the nerves, but making me feel it. The only suggestion I would offer would be to break it into smaller paragraphs and double space them to give the reader white space. Overall, I think you nailed it. Many writers struggle with a good ending, especially with the limited word count, but you nailed it.I think this is my favorite so far this week.
Congratulations! I really loved this story and hoped it would do well. Not bad for your first entry! I can't wait to read more.
During the break in the Weekly Challenge schedule, I’d like to invite you to the FaithWriters forums, where I’m holding a weekly free “class” in various writing strategies. Participation is strictly voluntary, but I give free and timely feedback on all contributions. I’d love to have you drop by!