Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Expert (09/05/13)
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TITLE: I Have Some Living to Do | Previous Challenge Entry
By Deborah Sampson
09/10/13 -
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Maggie just looked at her friend. “Beth, just be open minded to what I am telling you.”
“Maggie, you have your way of looking at things, and I have mine. What makes you so sure? You sound like an expert, but how do you know you have the right answers concerning God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.?”
“Beth, can you answer a question that I have had concerning you?” Maggie held her breath as she waited for her answer.
“I think I can, what is it?” Beth added as she placed Maggie’s Bible down on the kitchen table.
“Have you given your heart to the Lord? Maggie looked intently at her best friend.
“Come on Maggs, we both did when we were seven. Don’t you remember?”
“Beth, I do remember but since then as an adult, I dedicated my life and asked the Lord again to make sure, I confessed my sins and asked him into my heart, and when I did this, I felt the peace that surpasses all understanding, and the weight I carried was gone.”
“That’s how I know, Beth, and I am so glad I did. So many questions I had has become clear, my desires changed and I feel so wonderful.” Remember as kids we learned the verse John 3:16. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son that whoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
“Yes, I remember. Maggie I don’t see the need in this confession. I think that Jesus would tell me if I needed to go further. I’m ok dear friend. Don’t worry about me. I just do not have the desire for a ‘deeper relationship’ as you call it. I have some living to do and I am confident that I will set things right, when the timing is right. You just worry too much.” Beth smiled as she set her empty tea glass down.
The telephone rang and as she watched Maggie reach for the receiver, she looked at her best friend, on that day many years ago they both had gone to the alter, but for Beth it was to no avail, she hadn’t received anything as her friend did, but she didn’t want to tell her this, so she just let her believe. It didn’t seem to matter all those years ago, until now, she hadn’t thought much about any of this Jesus stuff. Of any of it being totally real. Poor Maggie got caught up in it again and now it was her duty she thought to tell her and everyone about what she had!”
As Maggie finished her telephone conversation, she noticed that Beth was getting ready to go. “Can’t I talk you into staying over tonight?”
“Thanks, Maggie, but I have an early appointment tomorrow, and I need to get my beauty rest.”
“Yah right, Beth, as if you need any more beauty.” Laughing with her friend now she went to retrieve her coat. “How about lunch Wednesday around twelve o’clock?
“It sounds good Maggie. Talk to you later.” She gave her usual hug and departing wave.
Maggie sat reading her Bible, as she did most evenings now, when the phone rang again. “Who could this be?” She picked up the phone and said Hello.
“Maggie?”
“Yes.”
“This is Beth’s sister Anne. I have some terrible news, Beth was in a head on collision tonight and- and Maggie, she didn’t make it. She died in route to the hospital.”
The shock on hearing this was overwhelming; she couldn’t believe that just a couple of hours ago she was here in Maggie’s home.
“Maggie, I’ll let you know more as I do.”
How could this have happened? They were best friends. Oh Beth, she moaned as she let the tears flow. It seemed like hours later that Maggie came back into the present only to realize once again of the tragic accident that had claimed her friend.
Then the realization of what Beth told Maggie hit her like a ton of bricks. Beth said. “I just don’t have the desire for a ‘deeper relationship’ I have some living to do.”
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How wrong could Beth have been? How costly was her thinking? Only God knows the heart.
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As adults some will see how they also need to have their sins forgiven by being baptized. It is at this time that they will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38. It is at this time they become a child of God and have his Spirit as proof.
It is a good story that will help each of us to look at our own lives to make sure we are working out our own salvation with fear and trembling.
For me, some of the dialog didn't feel natural. For example, your opening line felt a bit stilted. Though this may not be perfect, this is just an example to show you how I might try to make it more natural.“I'm no theologian,but I just can't wrap my brain around that. You might be right, but I need proof."
Just little things like using contractions like I'm instead of I am can make a huge difference.
Though your ending was a bit predictable, you did a fabulous job of pacing and building the suspense. The message is a powerful one, and one we can all relate to and need reminding of from time to time. Your characters were well developed and I found myself being pulled into the story. Good job!