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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)
Dear Dad,

Well, it’s been almost twenty-nine years since you decided to take your own life. Life’s struggles may be over for you, but they aren’t for me. I have so many unanswered questions about the choice you made, starting with a big “why?” and ending with a huge “how could you?”! As the years go by, I hope and pray that I will think about it less and that somehow the hurt – the emptiness – will be less, but it isn’t. You will never know what a gaping hole you left in my life. You do not know the wonderful man I married or the two beautiful sons I bore. I think they would like you and I know that you would love them. You do not know that I converted from Catholicism to Lutheranism and finally to Methodism – the religion of your loving, Christian mother. Or, do you know? Are you in heaven looking down on me and I just don’t know? I can’t help but wonder and hope that you ultimately chose to accept God’s grace in your heart and yet were overcome by mental illness to make the choice you did. I guess that’s the hardest part for me – not knowing if you are sharing in eternal life with our dear Savior. To imagine you not partaking of that is unbearable, yet my mind ventures to that thought more often than I like. It is only through God’s grace that I can place my trust and hope in the Lord and know that He is always faithful to His Word; hence my hope that you embraced His grace and forgiveness in your darkest moment - and that He welcomed you with open arms. The thought of anything less pains me as much as hearing the news of your suicide on that cold November day. Oh Dad… if only I had known how you were struggling – maybe things would be different today. Until tomorrow…
Love,
Your Daughter
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Dee Yoder
04/18/08
This is a heart-wrenching account of a daughter left wondering and suffering because of a terrible decision in a moment of despair. Life is so hard for so many, and only the peace of God can begin to bring even small moments of peace to this kind of mourning. God bless you for writing about this sad event.
Marilyn Schnepp 
04/19/08
Wow...What an emotional entry, and so sad and heartbreaking. I can't say that I can feel for this writer, as it didn't happen to me...but your letter is so open, so sincere and brought tears to my eyes. Truly difficult to write, I'm sure...but gave me much to think about. Thanks for sharing.
Jan Ackerson
04/20/08
Painful and honest, and very well-written.
Malin Boman
04/26/08
What a real and heartfelt letter. These question must come up for all who has lost a loved one like this, questions that most often would be too hard to say out loud and too hard for anyone else to answer.
Well done for sharing those deep and difficult things that so often nobdoy wants to face or know how to deal with.
May His love embrace you always!