Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)
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TITLE: A Letter to My Dad | Previous Challenge Entry
By Janet Hessert
04/17/08 -
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Well, it’s been almost twenty-nine years since you decided to take your own life. Life’s struggles may be over for you, but they aren’t for me. I have so many unanswered questions about the choice you made, starting with a big “why?” and ending with a huge “how could you?”! As the years go by, I hope and pray that I will think about it less and that somehow the hurt – the emptiness – will be less, but it isn’t. You will never know what a gaping hole you left in my life. You do not know the wonderful man I married or the two beautiful sons I bore. I think they would like you and I know that you would love them. You do not know that I converted from Catholicism to Lutheranism and finally to Methodism – the religion of your loving, Christian mother. Or, do you know? Are you in heaven looking down on me and I just don’t know? I can’t help but wonder and hope that you ultimately chose to accept God’s grace in your heart and yet were overcome by mental illness to make the choice you did. I guess that’s the hardest part for me – not knowing if you are sharing in eternal life with our dear Savior. To imagine you not partaking of that is unbearable, yet my mind ventures to that thought more often than I like. It is only through God’s grace that I can place my trust and hope in the Lord and know that He is always faithful to His Word; hence my hope that you embraced His grace and forgiveness in your darkest moment - and that He welcomed you with open arms. The thought of anything less pains me as much as hearing the news of your suicide on that cold November day. Oh Dad… if only I had known how you were struggling – maybe things would be different today. Until tomorrow…
Love,
Your Daughter
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Well done for sharing those deep and difficult things that so often nobdoy wants to face or know how to deal with.
May His love embrace you always!