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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fearful (08/23/07)
The Price of New Shoes

Heather’s eyes were gradually closing, and the book began to slip from her fingers. The winged horse galloped from the pages into her dreamy lull.

“You spent how much?” A shout bellowed through the house.
The book fell to the floor as Heather woke in fright and fumbled to switch off her reading torch. She covered half her face with the blankets, peering out as though she could see the fight beyond her closed door.
“We couldn’t go on any longer. The kids needed new shoes.” She heard her mum defend her new brown school shoes sitting under the edge of her bed.
“I work my guts out to support this family, and this is the kind of thanks I get.” The head of the house boomed louder.
“I wouldn’t call six months in holey shoes support!”
Heather tightened into a ball and braced herself till the end of the match. The fighting had become a nightly ritual, a tense, ugly lullaby of which she never heard the final note.
In the dark Heather’s tears were sponged by the pillow. She wished she could jump on the back of that flying horse and be taken to a new land of kindness and love. Security was all she craved. Instead the imagined horrors of her ten year old heart were threatening a fearful reality.
How many times had she dreaded the idea that her parents might divorce, and she’d be whisked away from all that she loved in this small town that was her lifelong home?
The shouting continued, so Heather completely covered herself in a soft world of warm sheets. She cried out in her heart to the only one listening, “Jesus, please stop them fighting. Have they forgotten who you are?”
A loud crashing noise and a terror filled scream stung her ears, which rang into the sudden silence.

Heather’s tremors squeaked the springy bed as she lay in a curl, plastered to the dented mattress. She traveled in her mind, back to the shoe shop and told her mum she was happy with what she had. It wasn’t worth getting them without asking Dad. In the dream her mum listened instead of insisting she wasn’t going to give in to his control any more.
The price of new shoes was never intended to cost life.
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This article has been read 908 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Rhonda Clark
08/31/07
Wow, this is powerful. I felt the little girl's agony.

It was a bit tough to read. Reformatting would work wonders.

I want to know what happened next. Good job.


Laury Hubrich
09/03/07
Unfortunately many kids live like this all the time. You captured the moment well.
Kristen Hester
09/10/07
Very powerful writing. Good job.

One suggestion: Heather is drifting off to sleep when her parent's fighting wakes her, correct? Then someone dies in the fight. Heater then dreams that that she had not had her mom buy the shoes. Am I getting it right? It wasn't perfectly clear what was a dream and what was real. Just a few clarifying comments and this would be fixed.

You have lots of talent. Keep writing!