Encouragement

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I've been through a lot of deaths, losses, and divorce. None of them were fun to go through nor something that I’d planned on or wanted. I had a choice to make: talk about it or keep it inside.

I tried to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with others along the way—friends, relatives, and even pastors—but it appeared they had no regard for how I felt or what the situation was doing to me. People responded with comments that did nothing to help or encourage. I kept tears bottled up inside for many years, maintained a front, and was proud of myself for doing it so well.

I remember sitting in the funeral parlor the day before my mother's funeral, talking with the funeral director. He told me he couldn't believe how well I was handling it. I told him it was only because of God giving me the strength. While that was partially true, his kind comments made me want to keep up that front all the more. I couldn't show any emotions nor let anyone know how I really felt. I couldn't let my guard down.

My life started crumbling. I was weary of dealing with things in my life. The real clincher came when I was being honest and up-front with my church about my pending divorce. Instead of wrapping their arms of love, care, and prayers around me, they essentially kicked me out. I was wounded with no one to care for me. I found another church that I thought might be receptive, but the pastor there did not understand or care what I was going through either. He just wanted to shove Scripture down my throat and “fix it” without even hearing my heart. I was wounded even more.

The front came crashing down and the tears that I held in for so long came, not in drops or streams, but in what felt like a flood, and I couldn't stop them. I had battled depression for over 40 years, and all those losses happening one right after the other increased my feelings of depression as I sank to the bottom.

I found another church. In the back of my mind, I had decided that if this church and pastor didn't accept me and offer love and supportive care, I would just stop attending church altogether. Praise God, that did not happen. The pastor at this church did not criticize or condemn when I shared that I was going through a divorce. Finally I found someone who believed in me, saw my problems and losses for what they were, and was willing to spend time listening, asking questions, and encouraging me. With his help, I was able to deal with the losses, work through the emotions, and start to become a whole person again.

It made such a difference in my life to have someone come alongside me with love and grace during those dark, uncertain days. I have since moved on to another church where I am being refreshed and growing spiritually, but had it not been for the previous church and pastor being there for me at a crucial time, I don’t think I’d be experiencing God’s love and grace now.

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