Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: End (02/13/06)
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TITLE: Torch Singer Blues | Previous Challenge Entry
By David Ian
02/16/06 -
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Torch Singer, Torch Singer
Songs dressed in ivory
Sultry tones drowning
In gin
Your dress is scarlet
The color of passion
But your eyes are singing
The blues
You gaze into space
To some far away place
Somewhere, anywhere
That’s not here
You’re searching for a Johnny
To take you away
And you’re holding auditions
Each night
You’re not looking
For a white picket fence
Or a scrapbook of memories
And sunsets
Just a man with no strings
And hands that are magic
With nothing hidden under
His sleeves
Who doesn’t quit easily
Or take No for an answer
But gauges your space
And your time
Who reads you like a book
Beside the bedside
So he knows all your
Wants and your needs
Where a slap to the face
Means “Come back here next time
If you really meant
What you said.”
He’s got what it takes
To fan the dead coals
And flash your life
Into flames
But through the dim haze
Of the smoke filtered lights
It’s the same faire you see
Every night
And here I sit
With my alto baby
Playing softly through
Her reeded lips
An’ movin’ my fingers
Down her gentle curves
An’ making her moan
In the dark
Yeah I got what it takes
And I got what ya need
I’m not the kind who needs
To rehearse
But I’m not your guy
Though you’re not certain why
And you never could
Put it to words
So the night closes in
With its shadowy bars
And you sing like a canary
That’s caged
And you finish your set
And they turn up the chairs
And they sweep up your hopes
With the dust
So I pack up my baby
She’s finished for the night
And I’m done with this
Dead end scene
An’ the next dirty town
With another smokey gig
Awaits with the rising
Full moon
And at the city limits
Where the stars kiss the sky
I hear you knocking
At my empty room.
Yeah it’s the end of the line
For what was never to be
I just can’t stay and baby
You’ll never leave.
--Torch Singer Blues
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"And they sweep up your hopes
With the dust"
You created a mood with your words and rythmn that was quite bluesy. I could hear the saxophone!
"So he knows all your
Wants and your needs"
This line would do better if you removed the second 'your'. This one word throws off the balance of your rhythm and tripped me up as a reader.
BTW - the sensuality in the poem really worked for me. It harkens to Song of Soloman in my heart.
Welcome back, David.
"Your dress is scarlet
The color of passion
But your eyes are singing
The blues....
And here I sit
With my alto baby
Playing softly through
Her reeded lips
An’ movin’ my fingers
Down her gentle curves
An’ making her moan
In the dark."
You captured the mood of the smoky bar scene of yesteryear very well!