Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Blessed (10/11/12)
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TITLE: Heaven Gift | Previous Challenge Entry
By Bryce Baker
10/17/12 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Appreciate the gifts that are given to us in bounty and not the bounty in the gifts.
With that this story begins.
A few years ago my world was rocked when I met my new wife. Like most people in a new relationship it was an exhilarating experience. She took my breath away… but I finally pried her hands off my throat!
Our relationship is a result of both of us sailing rough seas in the past and connected spiritually and without compromise. We have truly been blessed with mutual understanding and patience in adjusting to a new beginning. Fortunately she has ADD (attention deficit disorder) and I with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder), so our arguments last three or four seconds. We either loose interest or forgot what we were arguing about.
Now, as most people entering a life relationship in marriage, I had her sign a Prenuptial Agreement. She has agreed that if she decides to leave and take all my money… she has to take me with her!
As in most remarriages there are children from our past. Again we are blessed with them joining with us in love and acceptance of an extended family. They just love the fact that they have more parents to borrow money from. Actually our now grown children are, and will always be Gods greatest blessing.
Back to my wife… They say that behind every great man stands a great women. In her case she stands with me at my side. If she doesn’t I’ll get lost! With her, the good times are with added sunshine, and the troubled times have to deal with her Irish disposition. I just duck and stay clear of the fireworks.
Many times I have been asked if I would change who I am or the past. My answer will remain the same without end. God has given us lesson to which we learn and grow, nurtured by his plan for us. How can we change his gift to us to build in him a true love. To fall to the ground is nothing with his hand raising us to our feet.
We are blessed.
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Your material is good, but funny material needs a space for readers to catch the gag and sit with it before they find the next one zeroing in on their funny bone.
I'd recommend that you start of with that (as there isn't a need to tell the reader the story is beginning) and then put the quote at the end in italics. The other thing I'd suggest would be save your exclamation points for dialog. Overusing them can diminish their effect not too mention you have outstanding words that do your exclaiming for you.
You did a wonderful job of writing on topic. This will be a story your family will always cherish and I'm honored you shared it with us. Nice job.
God Bless, Lynn
God bless~