The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1111 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This was hilarious. The info on the end will be well-remembered because of the fun delivery.
10/23/06
A modern day Keystone Cops!! Funny, witty, and brilliantly written. Great story, good point and got my full attention! Right On! Kudos!
10/23/06
Wow, the info at the end really packs a punch--you have us laughing at the story, then a gulp when reality hits. Very skillful.
10/23/06
I enjoyed this story very much! It was very amusing, but the ending gave us a good reminder. Thanks for sharing this.
10/23/06
What a ride! ;) And what a fun read!

Humerously poignant! Great job! And I loved the footnote - the crowning touch.
10/23/06
I think I've worked for that dept.
Good story, Donna. God bless.
A light, fun, read! Yet your extra information made an excellent point. You are very skillful in your story-telling.
10/23/06
*grins*

That's awesome.
10/23/06
Very state of the art writing! LOL! This is great and fun to read! Swampville. LOL! Thanks! :o)
10/24/06
Really cute story. I counted twelve exclamation points and I thought the editorial at the end of the piece was a bit much - but that's just me. Also, the switch from Grandpa Wilson to Grandpa Dub might confuse a reader.
I could picture the three of them driving away in a VW. All in all, this piece made me smile. Pretty good job.

So, I broke my cane, hmmm, sipping hot tea?
10/24/06
Creative hint-Glad I found this entry. Very vivid, though I had to read it twice to make sure I'd understood it. Good job-hilarious insight with the VW. :)
10/25/06
It's funny, but I've noticed a lot of "Pete's" as main characters this week. Must be a traditional "cop" name :-). Superb, witty writing. Nice punch at the end. Well done!
10/25/06
I thought this story was as fun and great as everyone else, but I agree with Dub (and, I guess, disagree with pretty much everyone else) that the footnote at the end was unneccesary. Your story did a great job of getting the point across in a humorous and poignant way. There was a moment there when these two under-equipped cops were approaching the scene of the supposed break-in where I feared for their safety. So, the footnote was redundant and, I thought, abruptly ended the story. Where I normally would have mulled it over in my mind after reading, finding my way to most of what you said in the footnote, I instead found it all laid out for me with no real chance to savor what I had just read.

That's a lot to say about a story I thoroughly enjoyed, so please don't get me wrong. Your writing was delightful and the story was wonderful.
10/27/06
Good story; a mixture or drama and comedy made it a well writen, roller coaster ride. I was slowed down by :“Joe, I’ve got trouble here. Someone is breaking into my store. Get over here fast!” The urgency in Hank’s voice was unmistakable. “Don’t worry, Hank. We’ll get there as soon as we can. Any idea how many guys?” For clarity each speaker should be given their own line.
10/28/06
This is a great story (it runs the gamut of emotions from panic to humor!), and you are a wonderful storyteller, Donna. Your final paragraph is an eye-opener. How much we take for granted in the USA, for sure. p.s. Thank you for your comment on my "Footnotes" story--I appreciate it.