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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Expose (08/22/13)
Kyle walked down the gravel road glancing at the stars above. It was a familiar two mile route around the small town that he and his mom had occasionally used when she was trying to loose weight. The route was the outlying streets bordering the town, one side filled with houses but few lights were on this late at night, the other tall stocks of corn growing in the in the humid summer weather.

He was approaching the ball diamond on the far east side of the town and the street lights were getting further and further apart, causing the starlight from the Milky Way to break through the darkness. It was an activity that he was doing more and more frequently at night, walking and looking at the stars. Talking to God.

Just three weeks before he and one of his friends had broken into a house and stolen money out of it, netting each of them three hundred dollars, not that it lasted long. Most of his cut going to weed, speed and beer, the cost of the beer more than the weed because his dealer 'was sticking his neck out getting beer for under aged teens', a comment that Kyle found hilarious coming from his drug dealer. They had used darkness as a cover to keep from being seen, but now there was no place dark enough to keep him from being seen. He knew it.

It was that damn Pastor's fault, the same one who was always talking about the ills of Rock and Roll music, about how a person who was not 'right with Jesus' was going to burn in hell for all of eternity, his skin on fire, a dry throat and never getting quenched. The man even read a story Jesus told about that happening to a guy, but at first when threatened with hell Kyle would only yawn, but there were other things that the preacher said that gnawed inside the teen aged mind about how he could heal any wound and wanted to take you the way you are right now and use you. When he said things like that Kyle found it disturbing, how could anyone use him?

Most of his grade school friends had started humiliating him in school making him feel like a loner, the only ones he got along with were the 'druggies', then the teachers started harassing him, just like some of the harassment that he received at home. His parents always accusing him of using when in fact he was just trying to stay away from them as much as possible until finally he figured 'if I'm going to be accused of it, I may as well do it', remembering that until then he had no desire to use at all.

The pastor had encouraged him to read the Bible, it was that books fault that he was feeling this way. He had heard the pastor say that God's words are sharper than a two edged sword, but before reading that damn book they were just words, now those words had meaning to him. Now reading that if he was slapped, he was to turn his head slightly and offer the other cheek, that was crap as far a he saw it, but yet in a strange way it made sense. Other passages were being engraved upon his heart like markings on a tomb stone, knowing that they would be there for the rest of his life

He looked up at the stars wondering if God was really up there looking down at him. “I'm not ready to turn my life over to you!” He shouted as loud as he could. Remembering what the Pastor had said to him earlier that week that the pastor could see that God was revealing himself to Kyle, telling him that he would find peace turning himself over to Jesus. He concluded that it wasn't God that was revealing himself to him that scared him, it was that for the first time that he was seeing himself through God's eyes and that he was becoming the one thing that he hated most about the world, and it tormented him knowing that he was becoming the same type of person that did things to others that he hated having done to him. “But your going to keep at me till I do, ain't you.” he mumbled as he sat in the grass looking up at the stars... at God.
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This article has been read 617 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
08/30/13
Very intense and deep story about a conflicted soul doing battle within. Sounds like he was slowly getting convicted of truth. Good job with internal struggles and internal dialogue.

Nicely done.

Thanks. God bless~
Larry Whittington
09/01/13
Yes, God's word calls if we listen. God's word directs, if we follow.

Nice story form. If this is your style continue to develop it.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
09/02/13
Poignant and so identifiable. Gripping story.

Grammar and punctuation come with usage - if I can help with spelling, I am available.

Terrific narrative . . .
Noel Mitaxa 
09/02/13
You've awakened some ancient teenage memories here, and captured them so well.
Very atmospheric descriptions.
Mike Newman
09/02/13
I like your story; a great picture of the turmoil that goes on in the hearts of umpteen teens (and some who haven't seen their teens in many moons).

One piece of feedback would be to watch the length of your sentences. I can speak to this because I am huge fan of the run-on sentence and always need to be wary of it.

Thanks for sharing this.
Virgil Youngblood 
09/03/13
The inner turmoil and the possibility of resolution made this a worthwhile read. I think eliminating the reference to the mother, since she has no part in the story that follows, would improve the reader's focus on the story line. Well done.
lynn gipson 
09/03/13
Well done! Very descriptive writing. You have a gift for this style of writing.
Brenda Rice
09/04/13
This was intense and emotional. It felt real. Good writing. Keep working at it...you have a way with words.
Ellen Carr 
09/04/13
You have written what seems to ring true for a teenager in this situation. Well done. I suggest a little more care with checking spelling and grammar. Eg you wrote 'loose weight' instead of 'lose weight'. But keep writing!
Bea Edwards 
09/04/13
I liked your line about 'seeing himself through God's eyes.'
That's the only place of self revelation. Well written and relevant.