Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Funny (10/04/12)
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TITLE: An Idea Man | Previous Challenge Entry
By Olawale Ogunsola
10/08/12 -
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This was the case with a group of five unemployed graduates. These young men blamed everybody but themselves for their plight. They believed that they could not help themselves at all.
One day, Daniel, one of them, came up with an idea that could help them. He was happy to inform his other friends, David, Dauda, Dickson and Dina. He said,
"This is the idea: we can get job anytime from now, if we want to. It is easy. Let us decide to work for any establishment that can employ us according to our areas of specialisation.
For instance, with my Bachelor of science (Bsc) in Banking and finance, I have decided to offer my service free to any financial institution that needs me, at least to keep me busy in my professional calling."
David and Dickson chorused, "Daniel, your idea is very funny, working without pay?"
Dauda and Dina laughed and said, " Your idea is not only funny but silly! Service for free? Unworkable!"
David rounded up with, "Daniel, you can go ahead with your idea because I will not want to discourage you, but I will not opt in this time around."
The following day, Daniel woke up early in the morning. He prepared to carry out the idea he had got. He put on a pair of black trousers with a white shirt on top of it with a well knobbed tie having black and white stripes on it.
At the first financial institution on his list, an insurance company, he was prevented from seeing the General Manager. He was not discouraged. He went to the second on the list, a bank.
On getting to the bank, he was given a form to fill before he could see the Branch Manager (BM). He gladly did this. He could see some rays of hope. He had a settled mind and was better composed. About thirty minutes later, he was ushered into the BM's office.
The man, beaming with smiles, asked, "Young man, what can I do for you?"
Daniel had a deep breath and said,
"Thanks very much sir. I have a free package for you and your Bank and I believe it will be of great benefits and you'll not regret it."
The BM was quiet as he adjusted his seat to give Daniel his total attention. Daniel continued,
"It may be funny but I am very serious about it. I obtained my Bsc (Banking and Finance) about eighteen months ago, and have been idle since then. I purposed that there are financial institutions that need my service somewhere and I come to you to offer my service for free. Absolute free service.
This is my sincere package sir. You can give me the meanest work, I will do it for you satisfactorily."
The BM responded,
"It is funny indeed. I have not heard such a thing like this before. It is very funny to me. Let me know, please, what do you want to gain from your free service?"
Daniel replied, "Thank you sir, experience and I will be happy serving my generation faithfully."
The BM agreed to allow him to join the casual laborers but he ensured that he was near his own office to keep a watchful eye on Daniel. He resumed work the following day.
At the end of his first working day, Daniel went home with money that could sustain him for a week. The money was given to him by the BM and some bank officials who have heard about his funny idea.
At the end of the third month, the BM sent a strongly-worded letter of recommendation to the Head Office about Daniel for permanent
appointment.
About a month later, Daniel's letter of appointment was sent and given him. That was how his funny idea led him out of the unemployment market.
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One thing I might suggest would be to go back and count how many times you used the word funny. I think you'll be surprised. When writing on topic it is nerve-wracking to make sure that people can tell it is on topic so often people resort to using the word over and over. However it wasn't necessary at all.
You did write on topic. It was more of the funny strange than the funny ha-ha but you still did a nice job of covering the topic in a fun and fresh way. Plus as the saying goes I'm sure your MC was laughing all the way to the bank. I look forward to reading more of your work. I see a lot of potential in this piece. Nice job.
Keep working on your writing. I suggest you use the Preview feature before submitting. Doing so will allow you to see how the layout of your story could have been improved by using added returns between paragraphs. This makes for easier reading. It also allows you to check for typos.
Keep up to inspiring writing.