The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the HISTORICAL genre (05/03/07)
It was pitch black that morning in the summer of 1860. Sarah sat in the chair peering out the window into the darkness. She was impatient as she waited to for the sky to lighten and eventually give way to daylight. She was already dressed and ready to go before her brother James joined her by the window. Today was a play day and they were allowed to go riding before they did their chores. She would ride Grandma’s horse Babe and James would ride their horse Thunder. Neither could hardly stand the waiting.

When daylight finally came, so did disappointment. For up the dirt road came her cousin Annie, and she was riding Babe! Sarah was fuming. She knew Annie and her folks had come to visit Grandma. She hadn’t expected that skunk to pull a stunt like this, though. That is when a plan started to form in her young brain, one she would need some help to pull off. Her brother’s eyes gleamed mischievously as he listened to Sarah’s scheme for revenge.

Annie trotted up to the farm house feeling pretty smug about getting Babe before Sarah had a chance to catch her. Little did she know what she was in for. She knew Sarah loved Babe and that is why she made sure she caught her first. They had butted heads before, and this time around she aimed to get the best of Sarah. With a smile of smug satisfaction she told Sarah that she would have to share Babe with her today. That, in fact, she would have to take equal turns riding or they would have to ride double.

Annie didn’t a have clue to what she was in for. The two very sweetly said they’d be happy to play together. In fact, they could go play on the deer trails up in the woods and have all kinds of fun! Annie felt like she was controlling it all, rudely ordering her two cousins about while they played. Yes, she was pretty impressed with herself.

At least she was until they got about a mile away from the farm, where no one could hear. Then with a wink to James, Sarah asked if Babe was limping. Protesting, Annie said there was nothing wrong with Babe, she was walking fine. It took some convincing from the two to finally get Annie to slide off Babe so they could check her hoof.

Then, as soon as Annie’s feet touched the ground, Sarah and James dug heel and took off at a dead run, leaving Annie to walk back to Grandma’s alone. She had figured out too late that she’d been tricked by those two rascals she called cousins.

Sitting high upon a ridge the two laughed with delight as they watch Annie stomping back to Grandma’s house in a fit. Sarah felt a twinge of guilt, but brushed it off, by reminding herself that it was all Annie’s fault anyway. They stayed out in the woods until Annie and her folks were long gone. Yes indeed, the two were pretty pleased with themselves. That is, until they got home.

Daddy was waiting on them when they got back to do their chores. One look at his face and they both knew they were headed to the woodshed. Of course they knew they had it coming. Daddy and Momma had always taught them to live by the Bible and treat folks right. Both of them knew they had done Annie wrong, so there was no need making excuses for it.

Later that night, after doing her chores and nursing a tender backside Sarah whispered to her brother: “Ya know James, I’m a tryin’ to feel bad about leavin’ Annie out there in the woods like that. But, if’n I had to do it all over again, I’d still leave that little skunk out in the woods for trying to steal my favorite horse!”

Just outside their window sat their Daddy who couldn’t help but grin and shake his head. Silently he prayed “Lord, please help us to bring these two children up right, so when they get older they can follow the right path too. And Lord, maybe you could bless them each with a child of their own down the road.... a child just like them!”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1389 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
05/11/07
I love the end of this! I think all parents have prayed that prayer! This might have been even more engaging if it had been told from one character's point of view rather than two - really get us into the head of either of the female characters. Great detail.
Donna Powers
05/11/07
Very amusing and enjoyable story. I, too have prayed this prayer! Nice work.
Jacquelyn Horne
05/11/07
Very cute story. This is good writing. It doesn't seem to fit the theme, but it is well written and a fun read.
Esther Gellert
05/14/07
I love that last line. I've been told before that children are a grandparent's revenge. I think it's true. Lol.
Patty Wysong
05/14/07
A fun read, to be sure--something I can see happening many times over. I agree about picking one POV to really get us into the moment, instead of just being outside observers. My parents must have prayed that over me! That was a great way to end the story! :-) Good job!
Jan Ackerson
05/14/07
Charming and nostalgic.

Quite a bit of narration here...I'd suggest adding dialogue, and I echo the POV suggestions above me.

These naughty children were definitely made real to your readers.
Elizabeth Burton
05/15/07
I love the ending! I also think it would be more effective told from one POV, and maybe instead of telling us that Annie didn't know what she was in for, show us with Sarah's actions. The characters are so alive you owe it to yourself to keep working on this: you're off to a great start!

Elizabeth Burton
Tiffanie Chezum
05/16/07
I like this. It's a very fun read. Good job.
Mariane Holbrook
05/16/07
I prayed that prayer so many times when my sons were that age that I wasn't surprised when God gave them carbon copies of themselves. LOL. If I hadn't known better, I'd swear they were cloned. You did a good job writing this. It could be tweaked in a few places, but, hey, all of our entries could! Nice job!
Rita Garcia
05/16/07
I liked this alot! I enjoyed the format you used! Well done!
Cassie Memmer
05/16/07
Cute story! Just needs a bit of 'tightening up.' Lovely characters. I could see the little stinkers! Good job!
Sara Harricharan
05/16/07
I like the dad's prayer for the Lord to bless them each with a child "just like them" The revenge was 'sweet' and cute. I don't blame them at all...^_^
Betty Castleberry
05/16/07
This immediately reminded me of some of the stories my mother told me about her and her cousins. With a few slight changes as mentioned above, this piece would really sparkle. It's still a delightful read as it is.