The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/13/15
Oh, this is so true! When we get too busy our minds get too full to fully take in all the things God wants us to hear. You are so right; thanks for writing this
11/16/15
This has a lot of truth. Red ink: punctuation errors, and needs spacing between paragraphs.
This is a powerful message. You do a great job of pointing out so many things that we all can relate to in one way or another.

I noticed your footnote. I don't think you needed it at all. If you do worry about coming off as preachy or judgmental is to write it in the first person single voice. You did slip at times from we to I (one example is we pray...help me.) If you write it all in the first person, you won't risk coming off as judgmental (at least in my opinion). For example, you could do this instead:
Life and its many paths often make me feel like I'm stumbling through a maze of distractions. Work, friends, meetings, and extra-curricular activities often seem to rule my time.
Society pressures me to do and have it all. The everyday things send my mind spinning out of control.

It's a subtle change, but I think it can make it feel more intimate, something you want to share with just me. You are quite wise, and I can see your passion to share what God has placed on your hearts with others.

The only other red ink I have to offer is use exclamation points and ellipses sparingly. Overuse can be distracting, but even more, your wonderful choice of words do the exclaiming and make me stop and think, not the punctuation.

I believe God has great plans for you, and will use your words to touch others in ways you might never anticipate. Keep writing, read and comment on other challenges, and check out some of FW resources like Jan's Writing Basics and Ann's Grammar Basics on the message boards. You did a great job on this piece and I really enjoyed it.