Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Spam (not the meat) (11/03/11)
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TITLE: Ouch! I've got a headache | Previous Challenge Entry
By Philip Barrington
11/07/11 -
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It is suggested the word 'Spam' has come from a skit from Monty Python of which Monty Python flying circus was created. A sketch of 'Spam' meat was the subject of the skit. Embedded in the script was a repetition of the product name of 'Spam' and even Spam and Eggs. In the skit there was an actor that didn't want Spam.
Ok, why mention where the word 'spam' came from as related to emails? The fact that they are repeated over and over in our emails, of which very few want in there home or business. They lend to the script of Monty Pythons 'Spam' sketch.
Understanding Monty Pythons sketch as I listened to it, it is no wonder a headache comes to the ears of the listener.
Yes, I am sick of spam emails. I got numerous emails over and over again about the untruthful fact there is money waiting for me from a beneficiary. Not only these, but emails followed that there would be compensation for those receiving such emails. Of course, these were spam as well.
I started to tell my family, if someone was that eager to give me money, then why not just post it to me. I could do with it being on a pension. I then started to send them back to my internet provider, blocked them and then deleted the email. Now instead of numerous emails, I am getting less than ten a day.
It is no doubt, had I responded to sending my details it would have cost me money and could have destroyed my family.
Pondering on what may have happened, came across my mind that the evil one, Satan is out to destroy. One of the ways he is doing this is through the internet and the family.
My encouragement today is to walk circumspectly.
“Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” Matt 10:17
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Just a couple of things: when something denotes ownership, there should be an apostrophe before the s. (example; Monty Python's 'spam' sketch)
("Pondering on what may have happened, came across my mind that the evil one, Satan is out to destroy.") I would reword the entire sentence so it flows and jells better.
This constructive critique is meant to help you improve your craft. I did enjoy the read.
You had a few little errors like missing a hyphen after Monty Python's skit. Okay should be spelled out or both letters capitalized.
You definitely covered the topic in a fun, creative way. I've never heard that story before. I like your message at the end.
How well crafted? Your piece is weak in this category. Some examples: You mixed present tense and past tense verbs in the same sentence. Also, for a smoother flow, try to find ways to write a sentence without using "was," "is", and "ing."
Ex. Not long ago, my spam emails stopped, but before then, what a headache!... From "It is no doubt," to, "No doubt."
With a bit of polish and sentence restructuring, this will be a great personal testimony with a clear message.
I liked that you linked spam with Satan using the internet to get to families. Intersting.
Julie Andre