The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/17/11
Nice story but would be easier to read with spaces between the paragraphs.

Try entering twice so there is a space when you transfer it to the challenge. Hopefully you will take this as meant--constructive criticism.

Keep writiing!
11/17/11
Good Job on this! I enjoyed the storyline - and it was totally believable. I have too have received many a treasure in my SPAM folder! And, this was more than likely an "Invite from God" Himself. Nice job. You stayed on topic and brought it to a powerful conclusion.

God Bless~
11/17/11
Made an error on the previous one! Sorry. I wish there were ways to edit when we send.

It should have read:

Good Job on this! I enjoyed the storyline - and it was totally believable. I too have received many a treasure in my SPAM folder! And, this was more than likely an "Invite from God" Himself.

Nice job. You stayed on topic and brought it to a powerful conclusion.

God Bless~
11/18/11
I loved the message in this. it kept my interest from beginning to end. I got my start in ministry helping feed and clothe the less fortunate. God bless you and I can't help but believe you are involved in the Lord's work somewhere...
This was a great story and definitely on topic. I liked how you used Spam as something good. That is creative and quite different from how others are doing it.

I noticed some of your sentence felt just a little awkward. For example: had the first box emptied and starting on the second. would be better if you used started instead. This is a tiny thing that a critique group or challenge buddy would help you catch. There are some forming on the message boards.

Overall, you did a nice job and this is an interesting story with a satisfying ending.
11/27/11
Great story and on topic! I like your opening, but from a practical standpoint, could not embrace your conclusion; although I realize its significance in the story line.:-) Creative? Yes. Well crafted? A bit of "housecleaning" in grammar, sentence structure, and wording("deep needful draw"), but overall the story flows well.

I also am impressed with the unique angle of Spam as hero rather than villain.