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Topic: Betrayal (02/16/04)
TITLE: Losing Amy By Stanley McMahon 02/21/04 |
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The doctors had told him it would be a routine operation and there was nothing to worry about. He thought he should share it with his home group anyway, and ask them to pray for her.
Amy had never been in hospital for any longer than few days in her life. Mostly she had to stay in for observation. Once she had fallen and hit her head when she had been playing with some friends. Matt had over-reacted a little on hindsight but he had just got over losing his wife through a car accident and was feeling very protective of Amy. Now he had lost her and couldn’t help feeling guilty. He should have noticed the signs before. He could have done something – anything. He sighed, and sobbed with hopelessness. But still he didn’t move to take off his overcoat.
A cup of coffee had gone cold beside him. He heard the door- bell but was too energy-sapped to do anything about it. If it was someone who knew him they could lift the latch and just walk in. They would know that. Theirs had been an open house; a lively, loving family. No longer. Matt felt the loneliness closing in when he absent-mindedly heard a voice. That “someone” who had been ringing the doorbell had lifted the latch and walked in. How long had they been standing there? Seconds? Minutes? It didn’t really matter.
“Matt,” he repeated. Matt stirred, coming back to reality. The person standing in front of him was his friend and home group leader from the church, Dave.
“How are you coping, Matt?” “Not good” came the reply.
“I thought you said God answered prayer. What about mine?” Dave said nothing in response but pulled up a seat and positioned himself beside Matt. It wasn’t a question that had an easy answer but then Matt wasn’t really looking for an answer. He just needed a shoulder to lean on and an attentive ear.
“You must be devastated by this.”
“Devastated? I can’t believe it has happened. First Annie and now Amy. What is God doing here? That’s what really gets to me. We talk about Him as a God of love. We say He protects us. Why didn’t He protect Amy from the complications that developed during the operation? You know what Dave? I feel like my faith has betrayed me. ”
Dave prayed in silence for words that could reach into the depth of Matt’s hurt. The only words that came to mind were the ones he uttered in the next instant.
“My God, My God why have you forsaken me?”
That was all. He waited for a response. None came. None was necessary. Dave waited for another few minutes and then offered to make some coffee. The subject of conversation changed and they talked about some practicalities that still needed to be cleared up. Over the course of the next months, they would return to Matt’s struggles many times, but they both recognised that the turning point from despair to healing was the sharing of that verse.
“My God, My God, why….?”