The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Parable of the Good Shepherd (John 10:1-18) (02/15/24)
Beth was pregnant with her second child only eleven months after the birth of her first child. She and her husband were over the moon. The birth of their oldest had sparked a kind of love neither of them knew was possible; they couldn’t wait to have another child. But at Beth’s six month checkup, something was amiss.

“Let’s hook you up to this monitor so we can watch this little one’s heart rate for 30 minutes or so,” her obstetrician said. “The heart rate is higher than I’m comfortable with right now.”
“I just ate a whole roll of sweethearts,” Beth told him as if this explained things. Dr. Miles just smiled and told her he would be back shortly. Beth tried to remember from her nursing classes what the normal heart rate was for a six month old fetus as she watched the monitor beep beside her. “He’s just being extra vigilant,” she told herself. She called her boss to apologize for the delay in getting back from her lunch break.

Dr. Miles returned 25 minutes later, observed the monitor for a few minutes, and pronounced he was admitting her to the labor and delivery floor.
“The baby’s heart rate is too high,” he explained. “We need to get it down, and the only safe way to do that is to give you medicine. We’ll need to watch your heart rate closely while administering the intravenous medication.”
“But I need to pick up my baby. And I left my purse in my office upstairs,” Beth pleaded.
“You can go collect your things, but you’ll need to call someone to pick up your child. You need to report to the labor and delivery floor within 30 minutes.”
The change in Dr. Miles’ normally easy going demeanor frightened her.

One hour later Beth was settled into a hospital room.
“You are too early to deliver,” the oncall pediatric cardiologist said through his thick accent. “The earliest I have seen a baby survive is 27 weeks gestation. You are only 24. This baby must stay inside of you longer,” he said as he hurried from the room.

Beth’s husband had rushed to the hospital when he got her urgent phone call. Her mother arrived a couple minutes later after picking up their 15 month old at daycare. After hearing what the doctor had to say, her husband left with their squirmy toddler.
“Mom,” Beth said, her eyes pooling as reality was setting in, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to pray,” she said while squeezing onto the edge of the hospital bed, putting her hands over her future grandchild.

Three days later, IV medicines had brought the baby’s heart rate down. Beth was told she could go home, but that she would be on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy. She would need to be diligent about the heart medication (which she would now take orally instead of intravenously) and report for an ultrasound two to three times a week.

One day, on the way home from yet another trip to the hospital, Beth complained to her mother about her boredom, and that she still had so much longer to sit on the couch. Her mother suggested she “embrace” this time and read the Bible. On her next visit, she brought Beth a beautiful leather teaching King James version.

As Beth spent time with her Bible, the Word began to come alive for her. She began to talk to God, and in the solace of her quiet house, hear His whispered voice in return. She began to recognize His Spirit through the gentle tugs on her heart. Even her view out the window seemed different. His Word was transforming her.

Beth delivered an eight pound baby boy at 40 weeks gestation with the pediatric cardiologist standing by; the medication would need to be given to the baby instead of her as soon as he was separated from the umbilical cord. One day after Benjamin was born, the doctor ordered a scan of his heart. When the technician came to Beth’s room, he saw her reluctance to hand her baby over to him.
“Oh, don’t worry. We need you to come too. He’s gotten to know your voice over these past nine months - it will settle him during the test.”

Beth smiled knowingly.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 198 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marlene Custer 
02/23/24
Heartwarming story on knowing the voice of someone we trust.
Marlene MCPherson
02/26/24
interesting
Douglas Knight 
02/28/24
A very moving story that to me bears the message in ??John? ?10?:?27?.

There are technical issues that can be easily resolved many of them having to do with paragraphing, especially in conversation. Publications are very particular about grammatical excellence.

Another thing that endears publishers is writing in currently accepted short story style. Your opening needs to be an attention grabber. You did a good job making the protagonist empathetic. The mother/daughter relationship is a good touch. Maybe build on that relationship a bit more.

Really good idea. Keep writing.