Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: MOURNING / MORNING (02/02/23)
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TITLE: It's You | Previous Challenge Entry
By John Puckett
02/07/23 -
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“OK, Joab, you take the whole army and go across and destroy the people of Ammon.”
Having given that command and watched his army go, King David stayed in Jerusalem.
One evening he went up on the roof of his house for a bit of a walk. Wow! What did he see? A beautiful woman bathing.
Right away, the king sent to find out who she was.
“Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah,” they said.
David quickly sent messengers to bring her to him so that he could go to bed with her.
Later on, when he learnt that Bathsheba was pregnant, he sent a command to Joab to get Uriah back to Jerusalem. However, Uriah refused to go home and sleep with his wife.
Consequently, David persuaded Joab to get Uriah killed by the Ammonites.
When Bathsheba heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. However, when her mourning was over, David took her into his house, and she became his wife.
In His infinite mercy, the Lord sent Nathan the prophet to David to tell him a story:
There were two men living near each other, one rich, and the other very poor. The rich man had huge flocks and herds, while his neighbour only had one little lamb as a family pet.
One day the rich man had a visitor. In preparing a meal for him, he decided not to take one of his own animals. Instead, he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared that for his guest.
Immediately, David’s anger was aroused against the rich man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing without any pity.”
“You are the man!” Nathan said.
Immediately, the sword of God’s Holy Spirit convicted David of the sins of his adultery and murder.
The mighty king of Israel sank into the dark pit of guilt and despair.
“I have sinned against the Lord,” he said to Nathan.
But!
Nathan immediately said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin!”
God’s morning light could not have blazed more dramatically into David’s heart.
But for you who revere my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in its rays.
Malachi 4:2
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For me, it would be easier to read if you gave more space after dialogue and each new paragraph.
I saw that you mentioned the two topic words, but what I've learned is that the story must revolved around one of those words. You could emphasized that David mourned his behaviors, or something to that effect.
Keep on writing!
The connection between David's mourning and morning was thin. For Christians that know the Bible, the story was predictable. If you give good imagery to the reader, they will enjoy the story more.
Keep writing.
I think if you had written your story from the perspective of Joab it would have given the story a less predictable ending.
I really liked your writing style.
God Bless~