My Pipe Dream Surrendered | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: My Pipe Dream Surrendered | Previous Challenge Entry
By Robyn Harbour
05/14/15
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It was late January and I was sitting quietly in my armchair in the sunlight, the current copy of Every Day With Jesus open at that day’s reading. The reading was taken from Genesis 18 and the focused verse was verse 19. Sarah had laughed at the prophetic word given by the three visitors that she would give birth to a baby the following year, She was an old woman and had been trying all her married life to fall pregnant; she knew that pregnancy at her age was impossible.
The comment following the reading read; ‘we need to surrender our pipe-dreams to God, and if it is His will He can return those pipe-dreams to us’.
Could I surrender my dream of having another child to God? Our daughters were aged ten and twelve and had been bitterly disappointed each time I lost the baby I was carrying. For six years I had prayed, pleaded and believed for another baby. I don’t find it easy to conceive, so when we lost the first at twelve weeks after three years of trying we were devastated. Three more years of trying and I was pregnant, this time miscarrying the baby at nineteen weeks.
The nun at the Catholic hospital where I had the ultrasound that delivered such bad news comforted me saying ‘Robyn, Heaven will be closer to you now that you have two babies there’. Comforting words but these did not make up for the aching arms.
As I reflected my pain and loss, I thought of the many walks I took along bush paths with our two dogs, praying out loud and pleading for a baby. I could sympathize with Hannah the mother of Samuel when she was praying in the temple; she was in so much agony of heart that no words came out of her mouth. (1 Samuel 1:12-15) Could I really surrender this dream to God? I was now forty years old and running out of time for my dream to be fulfilled.
I was tired of the monthly cycle of trying, waiting to see if I was pregnant, followed by the downer when I was not. For my emotional health’s sake I needed to stop this cycle and hand over to God. Solomon stated in Proverbs 13:12 NLT Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
With tears running down my cheeks and agony of spirit I surrendered all my dreams of a baby to God. I did hard yards with God that morning.
After discussing our options we felt it was going to be impossible to stop hoping so we decided that my husband would have a vasectomy, this would close the gate and stop the subconscious hoping. We would now concentrate on building a new modern home for our family. This would totally take over our dreams as we searched plans, found a suitable block of land, employed builders and chose paint colors.
Visiting our Christian doctor for my yearly check up I mentioned that my husband would be making an appointment for a vasectomy as soon as he had our current home ready for the market. My doctor smiled and said ‘It is surprising what God can do once you surrender your dreams to him.”
Just like Sarah, I also laughed an unbelieving laugh.
Twelve months later our son was born; he is now twenty-five years old.

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