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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Right and Left (07/31/14)
I gaze upon the sunrise
my thoughts are troubling.
I hear the end is very near
with the pain it brings.

I used to believe in a God
that would beat you when you’re bad.
You walked on coals to show Him
with Him you would be glad.

This is so confusing
they now say God is love.
God is all around us
instead of up above.

Jesus died for all sins.
If all of this is true,
judgment will not happen
the pain we won’t go through.

At this life’s crossroads
You choose from left and right.
God promises the guidance
To you both day and night.
I will tell you something
my God is everywhere.
He’s standing right beside me
My sins he helps me bear.

My Father proves He loves me
as He shows me the way.
He draws me ever closer
Each time He hears me pray.

I walk along with Him
there’s nothing I need fear.
So that is what I offer you
His love that’s always here.
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This article has been read 683 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
08/09/14
Beautiful!

God bless~
Yvonne Blake 
08/11/14
I like the progression of thoughts. In some lines, the rhythm is off - making the reader stumble. Choose words that keep the rhythm flowing smoothly. Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/13/14
This is really beautiful. I think you did a great job of showing the anguish and fear of not knowing.

This may just be me not being quick on the uptake, but at the beginning the MC was confused and didn't seem to really know God. Then at the end he did, but I didn't see the transformation. I think part of it might have been due to using the universal you in the middle. The verse above it you use we. I think if you switched the we to I. Example: This pain I won't go through.
At this life's crossroads, I must choose between left and right.
By doing that, the rest all makes sense.

I think your words are lovely and seem to flow easily. Your message is a great one and I think most of us can relate to the fear and panic your MC showcased.

I want to tell everyone about a wonderful tool that FW offers free to all members. It's called Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards and is full of wisdom that helps all levels of writers. Jan responds to every post, so if you haven't checked it out or participated recently, I'd urge you to do so. Recently she did a thread about poems too. :)