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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Right and Left (07/31/14)
Judy peered out her classroom door into the hallway, making sure the coast was clear. She always started out before the other classes because keeping her bunch in a straight line was like trying to nail jelly to a wall. Second graders were just glad to be out and about,going…anywhere. Today they were going to the auditorium to see a performance of Peter Pan, put on by a local theater group.

The school was old and sprawling, built during a time when classes were small, there was plenty of staff and children obediently followed directions. Now, getting her group to the other end of the building, down a flight of stairs and along another corridor, felt like a field trip to the museum.

Occasionally she thought how nice it would be to actually go to the museum or the zoo, but with severe budget cutbacks, there simply wasn’t enough money for assistant teachers or field trips. On days like this, however, she was almost glad. If getting them from one end of the building to another was trying, imagine what it would be like out in the invigorating, kid-energizing fresh air. She wondered if that was why so many schools had abandoned recesses. They couldn’t get the kids back inside easily.

As she walked the line, separating troublemakers and calming the fidgets, she imagined all of them walking with shackles around their knee socks or high top sneakers; heavy shackles, so they could only shuffle along slowly. Guilt trod immediately on the heels of that image and she shook her head and smiled ruefully. Twenty eight seven- year- olds were simply too many for one class – or one teacher.

“Ok Class. Remember the hallway rules. Keep to the right, so opposite traffic can get by. Everyone raise their right hand.” All but three complied. “Good. Please stay on that side.” She asked Kimberly, the tallest girl in the class, to be her helper and go to the end of the line to “encourage” (emphasis was put on the word encourage) her classmates to keep on the correct side.

Kimberly usually did exactly what she was told and had moved so close to the right that her arm brushed the wall. Judy should have been grateful for such a model of good behavior but the child was also prim and bossy. Now, with a superior smirk, she walked to the back of the line and the class headed to the auditorium.

All went well for a while, but then the line started undulating and the temptation to stretch arms across the left space, in an effort to touch the other side, was too great to resist.

Kimberly was not having it.

“Miss Judy said to keep right, you guys! What’s wrong with you?!” Her voice pitched high with annoyance, she stepped out and walked halfway down the line. To make her point, she shoved one boy back in place. Unfortunately, he bumped into the boy in front of him who pushed back. With more hilarity than heat, a shoving match ensued, accompanied by an increase in noise.

Classroom doors began to open as Judy halted the line and walked back to where the fracas was in full swing. She spared a glance for Kimberly, who stood back with a scowl on her face and her fists balled up in frustration.

“Enough! Everybody back in place. NOW!” She waited as the noise level immediately dropped, except for the sound of shuffling feet. She turned to the “hall monitor.” “Kimberly, I’m very disappointed in you. I said encourage, not push. How would you like it if every time I wanted you to do something I pushed you? Now please get back in line.” She held up her hand to silence the beginning excuses and watched as the little girl stomped back to her place.

Standing with her hands on her hips, Judy looked up and down the line. “Who wants to see the show in the auditorium?” Twenty eight hands went up. “Well, Mr. Gilford would love to have some help in the library. This is my last warning. Act right or you will be left. Do you understand me?” Twenty five heads nodded. Three had to think about it.
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This article has been read 605 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
08/09/14
Great job with the topic in this entertaining story.

Well done.

God bless~
Phillip Cimei
08/10/14
Unless you have taught, substituted, or volunteered in a classroom, you would not appreciate this story as much.

Well written.

I am a retired principal and you, from your insightful description of students behavior, must have been, or are a teacher.

My last year as a principal I had three bomb threats and had to evacuate 400 young students. I get your story.

Thanks, I think. You brought back some buried memories. Ha!
Phillip Cimei
08/10/14
I forgot to add the one critique that might be helpful. The hook was a little weak for me. I kind of figured out from your title where you were going, but your opening was a little hazy and just didn't grab me. Great story though.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/13/14
This is a beautiful picture of life in school today. You did a wonderful job of setting the scene and atmosphere. It compelled me to read on.

I noticed little things like no hyphen in twenty-eight. Also, I'd urge you to consider using both an exclamation point and a question mark together. Most publishers would frown upon it, not to mention you do such a brilliant job of picking just the right words that do the exclaiming for you and making the exclamation point unnecessary.

I think this is a creative and fresh take on the topic. It made me smile at the end. I truly enjoyed every word of this and think it's a delightful read, sprinkled with vivid pictures throughout it all.
I want to tell everyone about a wonderful tool that FW offers free to all members. It's called Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards and is full of wisdom that helps all levels of writers. Jan responds to every post, so if you haven't checked it out or participated recently, I'd urge you to do so. She recently did a thread on showing and telling,
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/15/14
Congratulations on ranking 7th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.