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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: WORK OUT (05/20/21)
The ocean tide takes my breath away. Calm and soothing. The horizon is gently drawing down heavens’ blinds at the golden, ember dusk to a close. Seagulls squawked, glided by and vanished to their nesting safe places.

Today, my little Grace would have been two years old frolicking with me at my heals on these beaches. My momma-heart longs for my little girl-- I knew from the depths of my heart-- she was my very own little gift. And I named her, ‘Grace’.

The cold is chilly now on my tanned cheeks. Few more times, I gaze at the lapping Antarctic Ocean. The white bubbles slapping the foreshores, back and forth, cleansing earth’s troubles of the day back to the depths of no return. Waving to me, ‘’Goodnight, ‘til tomorrow’s new day again, Anne.”

I pull my green merino poncho and hide my arms for cover and warmth. I stare at the ocean waves, my body heavy with grief. How many times have I looked to the hills, and call on my God who never sleeps and helps me in my sorrows? Will my heaviness ever lift? Will my prayers ever reach to the hills, “Please, God, let me have a child.”?

I walk on the cool soft sand burying my feet each step on the way home. I head to my cottage about two hundred meters away. Alone. Andrew couldn’t join me to celebrate Grace’s life into the eternal arms of her Creator. When at twenty-four weeks, Grace left me and Andrew. Our baby leaving us all of a sudden tore me and Andrew apart. We couldn’t fathom what was going on. We were grieving in our loss. Unreachable to each other. Not together.

While God was straightening out His plan--I trust it was good—Andrew and I missed focusing which way His brushstrokes on the masterpiece God was painting. We recluse ourselves from each other, in the comfort of our own anger, shame and misgivings. Until we both grew weary trying to make sense of each other and why our little Grace left us. Her mission on earth inside my womb has short-lived us. I understand now that her soul’s mission enlightened my life, filled me with hope in God within me.

Talking over my grief, he, about his pain and confusion ended, which, tore me and Andrew apart even more. He says, “This isn’t going to work out between us.”

I tried to fix my marriage. Andrew and I tried to work out a full bag of challenges, complexities, happiness through triumphs and kindnesses we shared together. Still, marriage is leaving us. The richness of our life together is following our Grace, leaving us on our own. So, it seems.

I did tango with a hit-and-miss language of love and understanding of what was going on. But we kept silent. Deepening silence. Tiring to the spirit and mind, I’m sure. I know so. Unless someone fills in my, and Andrew’s rubber-that-meets-the-road shoes and be in them, they would look at us differently. Probably in a way light shines on us.

The warmth by the fireside is comforting. The heat is sweet and tender. The bright, raging fire’s enlightening. Healing to my body, mind and spirit comes in the morning. Renews every time. The Psalms help me through the intense pain of separation.

Psalms and prayer come, and my heart is light with trust. Prayers for Andrew for blessings and goodness will follow him all his days. That he’ll find peace and rest in his soul. He’ll find safety. He’ll want closeness with God. Leaving behind our commitment to love each other to, "Hold and behold till death do us part” after ten years—that we’ll, individually, find solace being closer to God.

Praying the Psalms draws me closer to God. Prayers for help in walking in all His ways and steps. Honoring God. God will show me and Andrew ways to make sense of God’s purposes for each of us. And why He had put us together and allows us to go through-- giving us grace—carrying out and working on His good plan.

So, it shall be well with my soul. And I want that for Andrew all his days wherever God leads him, as well.

While at His plan of healing, God sees and says to Himself, “It's going to work out for good.” “Trust Me.”
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This article has been read 433 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Tammy Ortung 
05/27/21
Thank you for sharing your personal story, struggles, and heartbreak. Be encouraged that God will use it to minister to others in similar circumstances.

Some minor constructive feedback: watch your verb tenses. There were a few times when you switched back and forth between present and past tenses.
Avigail David
05/28/21
Thank you. As I was reading, I felt the heartwarming walk at the beach with the protagonist very real, hence, the use of present tense. Her soliloquies and reflections about what happened in her past (flashbacks) while walking on the beach was very deep and personal.
I felt the protagonist's fireside-reflections on Psalms and her prayers very inspiring. As if I was sitting right there with the protagonist, listening to her thoughts and resolves about trusting and being brave.
Laura Manley
05/29/21
I've known women who have been in your life-changing situation who have NOT known the peace the Lord could have given them. I trust this is a true story. Only one who has gone through such a tragedy could write this story with the intensity you did. To that end, I am sorry for your loss. I noticed the tense changes as well; however, in retrospect, I believe they were intended to show where you were and are at different times in your explanation of events. This had to be a difficult writing for you. My heart hurts for you, but I believe you know where your answers will come from. My sorry is also with Andrew. Excellent writing on a very difficult subject. Thank you for sharing.
C D Swanson 
05/31/21
When I read stories, my heart becomes so involved with the story and nothing more. And your personal story of heartache and reflective internalizations with the LORD as your guide, was inspiring...and touched my heart enormously.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry for Andrew too. But how glorious to have such faith, that you're able to get through it, with His grace wrapped around you, every step of the way.

Thank you for he honor of reading your personal story, I'm sure it'll touch many. Plus, you're giving great Glory to the LORD!

Blessings~
Laurie Kiel 
06/01/21
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it will minister to many hurting hearts. It had many beautiful word pictures and touching vulnerability. Thank you for sharing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/09/21
This is a powerful piece. I could feel the emotions and my heart ached. I did notice your tense switched some, but the message and story was beautiful and one many can relate to. Congratulations on ranking 5th in your level and 15th overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.