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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Mother (as in maternal parent) (04/24/08)
Sometimes, all this sacrifice is unbearable. Sometimes, I feel used. Sometimes, I want a permanent coffee break. I’m starting to believe the hardships of motherhood are because Eve messed up in the garden. The labor pains were the easy part. When I meet her one day, we need to talk. I wonder if heaven has lawyers.

Mothers are not supposed to be real people. We all know that. They’re supposed to wear a cape and fly. See through buildings and read minds. Rescue their children from all evil and harm and do so with pompous for the front page of the New York Times. Heaven forbid they should ever sin or indulge their flesh or be hungry or irritable. That’s not allowed.

If we do all things perfectly, but have one flaw, it gets magnified. Then it’s fertilized with criticism and will grow. It grows into a besetting sin and we blame Mom forever for our own shortcomings, because we know had she been perfect, then we would all be whole.

Yes, I am angry which proves my point. The expectations we have put on our mothers and those expectations our own children in turn put on us, makes this job undoable.

Can we somehow lighten the load here and stop the madness? I want to shoot whoever came up with the term “supermom.” They need to be duct-taped.

I am real. I bleed, cry, breathe, trip over my own feet and sometimes run into doors. I forget where I put my keys, sometimes curse on the freeway at the other idiotic drivers, and occasionally hate my sweet husband. If you preach "submission" to me I want to throw things. If it hits you, sue me.

My mom was real. My daughter as a mom is now real. And my grand-daughter is proving how real she is.
She bites her brothers.

Please hear me. Somehow , somewhere, sometime we need to give ourselves permission to fail. Permission to be human. Permission to fumble around in the dark and royally mess up. Permission to drop the ball sometimes and be selfish. Which leads me to the point.

I desperately need to point you to Jesus because I cannot do His job, play His part, fulfill all your needs, or love you unconditionally all the time. Period. I wasn’t meant to. Let’s kill this myth. Let Him do His job.

My biggest mistake was that I was determined to “not be like her.” Refusing to acknowledge that she had any redeeming qualities, I focused on all the raw , issues that caused her to be a mess. I refused for years to believe she did the best she could, because it was easier to blame her for my shortcomings.

I could go through life the victim of a damaged mom and use it as an excuse for all my failures. Now if I sense my daughter thinking that way, I am resentful because my goal was to stop the madness of dysfunction.

Now I know that attempting to be perfect was the craziest of all dysfunctions. Truth is, I am scarred, marred, unfinished, messy, sometimes rebellious, lazy, and at times more full of fear than faith. Truth is, I am sometimes so full of self, that it makes even me want to throw up. Truth is I sometimes lose sight of my need for God and instead of yielding to Him, I become a controlling fishwife. Truth is, I want the love and patience from others that I neglect to give out to them.

And yet, somewhere, somehow, in all this chaos, I can truthfully say I have no regrets. I would do it all over again. I’d have even more children and praise God for His gifts to me.

I ‘m a work in progress, starting to find joy unspeakable, grateful praise, and a lasting peace that all is well. God knew it all along.

This job is impossible without Him. He isn’t going to ever fire me, except in His oven of sanctification. He is changing me, molding me, making me into His image and frankly it hurts. I’d like a little pity, please, for Mother’s day.

I do see the exit. There’s always a way out. But I choose to sit tight to experience the whole ride. I want to cross that finish line.
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This article has been read 1217 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Debbie Wistrom
05/01/08
What a real voice this has.

Liked hearing these thoughts from both sides.

There is much here and it fells that you could go mych deeper-maybe you should exlpore expanding this for publication. I know of one mother that I am going to share this with. She is always looking for hope and you present the possibility of it here. CUDOS!
Chely Roach
05/02/08
This blatant honesty was beyond refreshing, I loved it. One of my favorite lines, "If you preach "submission" to me I want to throw things. If it hits you, sue me."
Funny...and oh-so-true some days.
Beth LaBuff 
05/04/08
I had to smile at your description of Mothers as superman. :) You've pretty much spelled out reality with this. I learned a new word, "fishwife". It's great. This is good, "fire me….in His oven of sanctification." Great ending. This is very cleverly written in a down-to-earth manner.
Joy Faire Stewart
05/05/08
I enjoyed the raw honesty and writting style. Also, especially like the 9th paragraph. Great entry!
Peter Stone
05/07/08
Reminds me of some of King David's Psalms, where he pours out his heart to God without holding back what he is really feeling. It can be hard to be honest like that. You make a lot of good points, and what a relief to know that we are clay in God's capable hands, moulding us into Christ's image.
Jan Ackerson
05/07/08
I LOVE this! What a raw, real, wonderful voice! Wowsers, this really hits the spot.
Sara Harricharan
05/07/08
Wow! There are no stops or yes answers here! Just the plain honest truth! I like it! My favorite paragraph was the second to last one though, it summed it all up. I especially liked the conversational tone, it wasn't accusing or demanding, a little edgy, but in a good way. Thanks for sharing! ^_^
Sheri Gordon
05/07/08
This is very, very good. Your honesty is really appreciated.

I especially liked this line: "I refused for years to believe she did the best she could, because it was easier to blame her for my shortcomings." This is so true--and continues from generation to generation. (I joke about seeing my kids on Oprah one day--talking about their messed-up Mom.)

Really good take on the topic. Love the voice.
Joanne Sher 
05/07/08
Truly excellent, Dianne! Wonderful voice, and such powerful wisdom. Wow.
Carole Robishaw 
05/07/08
I feel like this was written about me.

Really well done, thank you.
Loren T. Lowery
05/07/08
This reads like it was spoken from the heart, real and unmasked with honest motions. Great job.
LauraLee Shaw
05/07/08
He isn’t going to ever fire me, except in His oven of sanctification
YES! Love the way you put that!

Great piece with an easy-to-relate-to M.C. Well done.
Lauryn Abbott
05/07/08
This was a fantastic entry, so raw and so real, but not without hope. Yes, we come from imperfection and we too are imperfect. Loved the line about submission! Great job all around.
Janice Cartwright
05/07/08
It's when I am most painfully and woefully aware of my shortcomings as a mother, or just a plain human being, that I feel grace pouring in most abundantly. This, I believe is what is meant by the words "poor in spirit" spoken of in the beatitudes. Why is your honest article so pleasing to readers? Because it is honestly more pleasing to God - Because He desires one broken heart more than a thousand sacrifices. Wonderful writing.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
05/08/08
I, too, am a "work in progress." You expressed this so directly, so well.
David Butler
05/08/08
Once again you have made us laugh and cry, both at the same time.
I agree totally with Peter. Maybe you should publish a book called "The Psalms of Dianne -- from Trials to Triumph" or something.
This is yet another example of how God can use even our tears and pain to make something beautiful and fruitful, bringing healing to many. I can see you ministering to dysfunctional people and families in the spirit of Elijah -- "turning the hearts of the fathers to the children" and vice versa.
Loren T. Lowery
05/12/08
Dianne, I stand by my original comment on this piece, I find it remarkably candid and open, a letter from an honest, probing heart. Keep up with your writing, you are touching many readers.

PS thanks for taking the time to comment on "Not So Different" It made me smile : )
Elizabeth White
10/09/08
Wow. I really liked this. Your writing was so honest and real. I think that this is the first thing which I have read on faithwriters which has really had an impact on me. Thanks. It really showed honesty and a "realness".