The Official Writing Challenge
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You are quite the storyteller. This is rich and I relish the unexpected twist at the end. That being said, I would rewrite to avoid, somehow, using the masculine "his" and "him," as this could leave the reader feeling just a bit deceived when the truth is revealed.
Intriguing title and fascinating, well-told story! Great ending, too! :)
You sucked me in and then you totally threw me. I am still a bit confused. "He" was the monk who loved a peasant "girl," but "he" is really a princess? I agree with Edy's comment. This is very good, but needs to be rewritten more obscurely so that the clues are there. Still, pretty interesting stuff. Great description.
Loved the title and the journey. Good job!
A true mystery. Very well written, and with the comments above implemented, this shines!
I'm a little confused here as to how Kindra fits in. I understand that Devon the boy was not a boy, but I can't fit it all together. The writing is really good, I guess I missed something.
Wow! This is what mystery is all about! You held my attention through every breath-taking piece and espeically with the martial arts bit. I loved the ending when Devon turned out to be the missing princess. I'd thought the princess was Kindra. Good job with the false lead! Awesome writing! ^_^
You can really tell a story, this is mystery writing at its finest! Mastercrafted!
The fact that Devon preferred the “gentleness of Tai Chi”, privacy, wasn’t used to fancy shoes, & was excited to grow his hair out… were meant as subtle clues to “his” true gender. Since the princess was hiding out & basically living as a monk (bald head & all), I’d hoped it wasn’t ‘cheating’ to use he/his/him as descriptors. -- I should’ve written this in 1st person (with I/me/my) instead! Yes, Kindra, Devon’s “sister”, is the red herring. -- You’re supposed to think she’s the princess. This was my 1st mystery. It was fun, if not totally successful. Thanks for all comments!