The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/09/06
You said so much here and I tried to figure out what was going on that didn't quite make it connect. I think you used the word 'work' too many times in sentences too close. Everyone of your thoughts was perfect but maybe you could take one theme and expand on just one. Your first paragraph ended with a good sentence as a lead in to the rest. Maybe add some dialogue with someone or change up each paragraph some. You write well and have good content it is just a matter of making it more reader friendly. Keep writing!! You are doing well but I really did want to share with you what I saw - whether or not it helps or not:)