The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: PIECE / PEACE (02/16/23)
My Train Journey


It was a Friday afternoon and I was so excited to see Obi. It's been three years since we left university and lost contact. We had a lot of catching up to do. The peaceful cool breeze and sunny weather was just right for touring central London. We chatted endlessly about school, our relocation to London and everything in between. As we walked through Westminster, we looked up at the giant clock raised above the ancient brick building, gazing at its magnificent beauty. It was 6pm. We knew it was time to say goodbyes and begin our onward journeys home.


As we parted, I hugged Obi one more time, beaming with a smile and waving goodbye as I walked briskly to catch the train. I never envisaged that a day that began so peacefully would soon be ruined on my return journey.


"Which platform goes to Seven Sisters station?" I enquired from the train staff. "Platform 2 and the next one arrives in three minutes” he replied.


"Thanks," I said as I swung the barrier open with my London transport oyster card, racing down the stairs to platform two. I made it just in time as the train arrived. I moved swiftly, entering the carriage just before the sliding doors closed. I was panting for breath from all the racing while moving down the carriage to find a seat.


I was so pleased to find one of the last seats in the carriage. With a sigh of relief, I sat down and opened my bag to bring out a book to read only to discover I forgot to pack the book.


"Oh no," I whispered to myself as I wondered how I could sit on the train for thirty minutes without anything to read. My eyes glanced through the drawings on the carriage. Each piece of drawing appeared to fit in its place like a piece of artwork that formed a beautiful tapestry. The painting had a mixture of burgundy and brown blending into the train's dominant colours- blue and white; making the artwork appear like a tapestry that hangs in each carriage. Submerged in between each piece of painting was an advert signposting onlookers to the beauty of London city. I read all the adverts within minutes.


Then my eyes ran through the passengers seated in my vicinity. Some were pressing their phones while a greater number were reading. Being an avid reader I glanced through every book title I could easily read within my horizon. Suddenly, my gaze fixed on one book titled There is no God. I thought I misread it. The more I stared, the more I was deeply upset about this title. How can someone say there is no God and have the boldness to write it in a book and convince others? I quizzed myself


The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. My stomach fluttered and my heart began to pant. I wanted to pace from end to end but had no room to manoeuvre. My emotions seemed to run wild. The peaceful day I enjoyed with Obi soon became a distant memory as I battled the turmoil within. I simply lost my peace in the fight to challenge this title. First I felt like challenging the author and proving to him that there is God. Secondly, I wanted to tell the young guy reading this book to stop consuming errors.


As these thoughts raged within, I heard the Spirit of God say these words - what will you do about it? I gave you the gift of writing but you keep waiting for the perfect time while the children of this world push out their worldly views in various books. Don't you think the children of this world are wiser like My words say in Luke 16:8? I knew this voice too well. There was no point losing my cool when I could be an answer to this problem. Bowing my head in shame, I asked God to forgive me. I knew I had delayed for years in using my God-given skills. The turmoil I felt within began to abate as soon as I convinced myself I will stop procrastinating using my writing skills. Someone once said - evil persists when good men keep quiet and do nothing. I walked out of that train a changed woman.


…………………




This is a true story of a personal encounter with God that led to using my writing skills.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 328 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Barbara Culler 
02/24/23
You did a good job on describing what you were seeing and feeling. I felt like I was with you on that journey.

You can show more action by saying things like "Glancing through the drawings on the carriage, I marveled at the artwork."

Instead of writing that you whispered to yourself, you could just write out your thought in italics.

Well done on the re-writes!

You've got this.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/27/23
This is a powerful story and it is so relatable in this busy world. I noticed your opening lines started with passive verbs. Later on you use 'spicy' action words, but I'd have urged you to start that right off. For example, if I were to edit this, I might suggest this: As Friday afternoon and my date to reconnect with my old university friend, Obi, approached, my stomach danced in delight. It's maybe a bit over the top, but I wanted to show you what I mean. Create a picture for your reader by using active verbs. Another thing I might suggest would bring Obi up again. Perhaps something like waiting three years to reconnect was too long, and you weren't going to waste any time this time to fulfill God's nudging. It's a way to bring the story full circle. You did an awesome job of writing on both topic words. You also did better at painting a picture for the reader later on. You have a clear message, and it's one I could easily relate to.
Bonnie Clarkson
02/28/23
Excellent use of peace and piece. I liked that you used color as part of your description of the ads.

"I never envisaged that a day that began so peacefully would soon be ruined on my return journey." I would leave this sentence out. You are going to tell the reader through the story anyway. Why not let the reader figure that out for himself?

Good job. Keep writing.
Jennifer Percell
03/02/23
Oh the familiar battle! Am I really supposed to write, is it a God-given gift or am I trying to excuse a hobby? I go round and round. FW has given me such a good chance to resolve this question and your story gives me a very good perspective! Thank you!
Barbara Culler 
03/02/23
Look at you! See, you did it! Good job!