The Official Writing Challenge
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You have a great start - I think you could have kept the storytelling going for longer before transitioning to the teaching part. Thanks for sharing. Blessings
This is a clear retelling of the familiar Bible story. It feels like a condensed version. When retelling a story, you want to tel it from a POV that is fresh and gives the reader something to think about. You start off nicely with his pacing back and forth, but after the first paragraph it feels a bit rushed. You do have a clear message. You did manage to use both topic words as well. Good job.