Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: BEGIN (01/06/22)
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TITLE: My First Job | Previous Challenge Entry
By Marilyn Meiners
01/07/22 -
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When I turned sixteen I was excited to get my first job. To have my very own money to spend....
As I wanted.
When I wanted.
On what I wanted.
I could hardly wait.
The local Five and Dime store was hiring part-time individuals to work their lunch counter. It sounded like a possibility. I mean, what could be so hard about working a job like this?
Take an order. Prepare an order. Serve the order.
Piece of cake!
I applied.
Was hired.
Now the fun would begin!
A waitress at the Five and Dime would first take the order, then proceed to prepare it, then serve it. It could be something as simple as a hamburger and french fries, or more complex like making a triple-decker ham and cheese sandwich with all the trimmings, served on wheat toast browned very lightly, with a dab of mayo.
A lovely young woman sat down at the counter in front of me. My first customer.
I offered to take her order.
“A chocolate ice-cream soda, please,” she said.
I remember that first experience in trying to make an ice-cream-soda. I had watched another waitress make this many times, and it all looked so simple.
What was so hard about making an ice cream soda?
Anyone could do it - right?
Add a little fizz and stir in some chocolate flavoring. Add vanilla ice-cream and more fizz until the glass was full.
Piece of cake!
The young woman who ordered the soda sat directly across from the fizz dispenser. As I made her soda, we chatted together. She talked about her life. I learned that day what it was like to grow up with a white mother and black father. In 1956 she was not well accepted in the community. Definitely felt like an out-cast. I tried as best as my sixteen-year old brain would allow to encourage her and comfort her. I remember her telling me she would probably never get married. “No one wants someone like me.” People saw her as a freak. I saw her as a lovely woman with great potential. I said, “there must be someone who would love you. You’re smart and pretty”. The smile she gave me was a sad one.
As we talked, I worked on her ice-cream soda.
I put a small amount of chocolate into the soda glass then added a little fizz to mix the chocolate. I added more fizz and then proceeded to add two huge scoops of vanilla ice cream. From what I had previously observed, you then had to add more fizz until the glass was full. As I pulled the handle to add the fizz, little did I realize you were to let the fizz run alongside the inside of the glass. This would lend to the liquid filling the glass properly, without any kind of mess.
Did I do this?
No.
Apparently I missed that part of the “observation” in making an ice-cream soda.
After I had generously scooped the vanilla ice-cream into the glass, I turned the spigot on and let the fizz flow - right on top of the ice cream!
Imagine my surprise when ice-cream and fizz flew everywhere!
The lucky recipient of all this mess was my customer sitting directly in the line of fire. She was a total mess by the time I got everything under control.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to die.
I was totally embarrassed and frightened as to what this lovely lady was about to do.
I looked up at her and she started laughing!
She laughed and laughed.
Her response, “Oh my goodness. That was a surprise. Yes, my dear, I think I’ll wear my soda!”
She was a very good sport and although I received a warning from my boss about what NOT to do when making an ice-cream soda, I did not lose my job.
However, I did learn that day how to make a delicious, non-explosive, ice-cream soda.
More importantly, I made a new friend.
This story is non-fiction
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What I love most is how you handled your first customer with a maturity beyond your teenage years - and her response, in offering to wear her soda, was equally refreshing.
This entry should rate well.
Blessings
A few suggestions: The entire story is told - not shown. You want your reader to feel your excitement, your angst, your embarrassment, your empathy, etc.
Avoid clichés. They're downers.
I would concentrate on the section between you and the young lady. Show your conversation with active dialog.
You have two storylines running here - and both are excellent - but the true message is this young lady's story and how she opened your heart eyes to see the plight of people who are "different." Such a powerful message, tucked into the humorous story of your first day on the job.
There's so much to work with here. With a little tweaking, you will have your readers hanging onto every word!
Excellent work!
I was born in the late fifties, but I smiled and could relate to this incident, and truly loved your story.
Thanks for sharing this delightful tale with us.
Blessings to you~